MARK: Excuse me for being fat

When I was in high school, I had a friend who had a habit of making bad decisions. I remember one of my friends was trying help her understand why she kept doing things that made her unhappy and he finally asked her the question, “If you know it’s stupid, why are you doing it?”

This kind of folk psychology shows up when we’re faced with incomprehensible patterns of human behavior — Why are you a smoker if you know it’s going to kill you? Why take drugs if you know they’re bad for you? Why keep sleeping with a person that treats you like crap? While the questions seem to hit upon common sense, there are usually complicated answers that can’t be treated in black-and-white terms. Yet I find myself asking if the same is true in the case of weight loss and fat guys. Does the question, “If you’re unhappy being fat, why don’t you go on a diet?” simplify the issue?  After all, I’ve spent the last half-semester whining about the issues that plague fat guys. I should at least take this point head on. So I repeat: What’s stopping me from doing the work and shedding the pounds?

I’ve probably been on a weight-loss kick for the last eight years of my life.  In that time I’ve had six girlfriends, and 20 pounds of body mass come and go. My weight has been in constant flux ever since they canceled “Saved by the Bell.” I have periods where I put on weight and then periods when I’ll take off weight, but I’ve never seemed to be able to drop a significant amount. Every time I see a guy who has lost a significant amount of weight I find myself pissed off at him, and it’s very obvious it’s coming from a place of jealousy. Then I’ll rediscover a sense of determination to eat better and to work out more. I hit the gym, I start running everyday, I buy all kinds of health food, I cut out soda and junk food and I tell myself that this time, “I’m going to do it.” But after a few weeks, the initial fervor peters out.

I’d be shocked to find out that my experience is unique. In fact I know several other guys who have gone through the same kind of back-and-forth weight loss and weight gain. We always seem to have an excuse when my weight loss goals fail.

The most common one — meaning the one I use the most — is that I don’t have enough time. From classes, work and a social life, it’s true that finding the time to schedule a workout seems to be getting harder and harder for me. Time keeps speeding up, the older I get. But all my skinny friends always seem to find time to fit in a workout during the day. If they can find time to lift for two-and-a-half hours, I should be able to find 30 minutes to run on the treadmill.

So what’s the real reason that fat guys can’t lose weight? It’s simple, food is tasty, and running sucks. It’s not that we’re lazy it’s that the short-term rewards of exercise and diet are not really rewards. That cramping in my leg and the feeling that my heart is going to explode after running a half-mile, isn’t really an incentive to “keep at it.” And let’s face it, no one goes to Sunset to get a Caesar salad — they go to eat those pulled pork quesadillas, a combination of food that in earlier days would have had its creator burned at the stake for giving birth to a culinary abomination. Does my incessant whining about weight loss and “how hard fat guys have it,” make me a hypocrite? Absolutely. But you’d be hard pressed to find someone who isn’t a hypocrite in one way or another.

Everyone has something they wish they could change about themselves – I wish I were smarter, I wish I were funnier, I wish I could cook, I wish I wasn’t so insecure about my looks. Hypocrisy is normal, people wouldn’t be able to function without it. Fat guys are in the unfortunate situation where they are reminded of their hypocrisy every time they look into a mirror, which is why we make up excuses and put up fronts to hide our insecurities. So will my sudden insight into weight loss apathy stop me or any other fat guy from complaining about how unfair life is because of our pudgy physique? No it will not. When Walmart stops making jeans with 80-inch waists, we’ll stop making excuses. But if you’re tired of hearing you’re fat friends groan about their waistlines, you can help them with their weight-loss goals.

All a fat guy needs to lose weight is a little positive reinforcement. It helps when a friends walks by and says, “Hey man, you’re looking slim,” even if it’s not true. If you offer to go to the gym with your fat friend it’ll help them keep them determined and focused. When it comes to staying on track, we are weak. That’s why we need our friends. So the next time you see a fat guy jogging on the street, be sure to give him a high five. Trust me — he’s earned it.