Columnists, Sports

Sports Comedy Corner: March Madness’ first weekend awards 

This year's NCAA Tournament has reached historic levels in terms of upsets and thrilling endings. PHOTO COURTESY CHAD COOPER/FLICKR
This year’s NCAA Tournament has reached historic levels in terms of upsets and thrilling endings. PHOTO COURTESY CHAD COOPER/FLICKR

What a ride. Every year we say the tournament has never been crazier, but with 10 double-digit seeds winning first-round matchups, this time it may be true.

To commemorate an epic first weekend of Madness, I’d like to hand out some hardware. For the Goliaths who were slain, the mid-majors who pulled off the impossible and the ones who pulled up for three and missed everything, I present my First Weekend Awards.

Most Unlikely Upset: Middle Tennessee State University over Michigan State University

Who didn’t have Michigan State in the Final Four? I know for a fact that you, your roommate, your grandma who’s into sports, your Aunt Betty who’s not into sports and the great Betty Crocker all had Michigan State winning the title. But Middle Tennessee State was having none of that.

The 15-seeded Blue Raiders, who last made the tourney in 2013, did not trail the entire game. They jumped out to a 15-2 lead and left Tim from your biology class speechless. And that guy talks all the time.

But unfortunately, Middle Tennessee State was unable to become the second-ever 15 seed to make the Sweet Sixteen. It lost to Syracuse by 25 in the round of 32.

Best Postgame Reaction: Baylor University’s Taurean Waller-Prince on rebounding

Love it. Just posterizing the reporter, asking how Yale University got more rebounds than Baylor. Hey, man, maybe ask a better question, like, “Why were Yale’s bigs able to box you guys out?” or, “What adjustments did you guys discuss at halftime?”

Instead, a senior, who just had his tourney dreams destroyed, is basically just told that his team was outrebound. I hate when student-athletes get asked dumb questions, so this move by Prince, who was literally the only reason Baylor kept it tight, was much appreciated.

Classic Coach Injury That Inspires an Upset: University of Arkansas at Little Rock head coach Chris Beard

Every year, a team pulls off a big win after its coach experiences a bizarre injury. And by “every year” I mean it happened last year, but the trend continued with the University of Arkansas at Little Rock’s coach, Chris Beard, punching a whiteboard and breaking his hand in the Sun Belt championship game.

This punch led directly to his team’s miraculous comeback against Purdue University, as UALR trailed by 13 with 3:33 left in the game. Josh “Headband” Hagins led the charge, hitting a million threes. For next March, remember — if Oral Roberts University’s head coach receives an organ transplant, put them in your Final Four.

One honorable mention here goes to University of Virginia coach Tony Bennett, who fainted in the middle of UVA’s matchup against Hampton University. The Cavaliers were the favorite, but listen: If a coach goes down and the team wins, I’m going to mention it.

Most Obvious Upset: Stephen F. Austin State University over West Virginia University

It’s all about tournament teams in March. Look at Butler University, the University of Connecticut, Gonzaga University, Virginia Commonwealth University and Wichita State University. All of these teams were supposed to lose in the first round, and all won. Certain squads just know how to win in the tourney, and I think Stephen F. Austin State University is now in that category.

The Lumberjacks (dope nickname, by the way) matched up perfectly against “Press Virginia,” as they also force a ton of turnovers. The Jacks have now won as a 14 seed and a 12 seed in two of the past three years. I hope Stephen F. continues its winning ways as senior Thomas Walkup graduates and coach Brad Underwood leaves for Oklahoma State University.

Best Beard: Thomas Walkup, Stephen F. Austin

I may be a little biased because I myself have an orange beard, but this is some top-notch facial hair. Just goes great with the whole Lumberjack image.

Worst Loss: University of Northern Iowa versus Texas A&M University

The Panthers just couldn’t inbound the ball. It looked like me back in CYO basketball out there just unable to deal with the trap. It boggles my mind that Northern Iowa kept throwing it to the corner. Just a terrible, terrible loss. Probably the worst basketball loss of all time.

Best First-Round Ending: Northern Iowa or The University of Texas at Austin

So many to choose from. There’s the University of Cincinnati versus Saint Joseph’s University, which ended as a Cincinnati dunk came just after the buzzer. Then there’s The University of Iowa versus Temple University, where the Hawkeyes won on a tip-in after fouling a jump shooter to force overtime.

Providence College versus the University of Southern California ended on a last-second layup, Yale almost blew a lead to Baylor, Northern Iowa beat the Texas Longhorns on a half-court buzzer-beater and Arkansas at Little Rock upset Purdue in double overtime.

I’m going with the boys from UNI though. Paul Jesperson’s half-court shot was unreal.

Too bad they lost their next game up 12 with 35 seconds left.

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