Columnists, Sports

Sports Comedy Corner: How to fix Opening Day

Under these proposed Opening Day changes, Alex Gordon and the Royals would face the Mets. PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA
Under these proposed Opening Day changes, Alex Gordon and the Royals would face the Mets. PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA

Opening Day is one of the most anticipated days of the year. It’s supposed to mark the start of spring, warm weather, barbecues and a clean slate for your baseball team.

But this year’s opening week was a mess. You had night games Sunday, multiple rainouts Monday and controversial game-ending calls Tuesday.

Opening Day should be simple. All teams play Monday at 1 p.m. local time. Warm-weather cities host cold-weather cities. And dome teams should always be home.

Let’s redo Opening Day and fix this tradition. We’ll start with a mock schedule.

Interleague

New York Mets at Kansas City Royals, Kauffman Stadium

You got to have the rematch of last year’s World Series. Keep this matchup the same.

American League

New York Yankees at Toronto Blue Jays, Rogers Centre

Boston Red Sox at Tampa Bay Rays, Tropicana Field

Detroit Tigers at Los Angeles Angels, Angel Stadium

Cleveland Indians at Seattle Mariners, Safeco Field

Minnesota Twins at Texas Rangers, Globe Life Park in Arlington

Chicago White Sox at Oakland Athletics, Oakland Coliseum

Baltimore Orioles at Houston Astros, Minute Maid Park

First we have a few divisional matchups in NY versus Toronto and Boston versus Tampa. Both the Rogers Centre and Tropicana Field have domes so weather would not be an issue. And seeing two high-powered offenses in the Yanks and Blue Jays to start out the season would be awesome. I also strategically slated David Price’s first Red Sox start against his former squad in the Rays.

Next it’s four AL Central teams in four AL West cities and Baltimore in Houston. Seattle and Houston have domes, and Texas versus Oakland should have good weather in April. In terms of the matchups here, it doesn’t really matter who plays where.

National League

Philadelphia Phillies at Atlanta Braves, Turner Field

Washington Nationals at Miami Marlins, Marlins Park

St. Louis Cardinals at Cincinnati Reds, Great American Ball Park

Pittsburgh Pirates at Milwaukee Brewers, Miller Park

Chicago Cubs at San Diego Padres, Petco Park

Colorado Rockies at Arizona Diamondbacks, Chase Field

Los Angeles Dodgers at San Francisco Giants, AT&T Park

I was able to schedule six divisional matchups here. In particular, I like the Dodgers and Giants rivalry. And I put the Dodgers on the road to ease up traffic in Los Angeles with the Angels home. I care about the average American’s commute.

So now that we have the schedule mapped out, how else can we improve Opening Day? Let’s use some blurbs.

No controversies

Both Toronto versus Tampa Bay and Yankees versus Houston ended on controversy Tuesday. In Tampa Bay, Jose Bautista’s slide into second to break up a double play was ruled illegal upon review. The two runs scored were wiped out and the Jays lost 3-2.

With greater emphasis on double play-breaking slides, after the vicious Chase Utley slide that injured Met Rubén Tejada, I’m not surprised the umps made this game-ending reversal. And I actually think it was the right call, as Bautista clearly stuck his hand under shortstop Logan Forsythe’s cleat.

In Houston, the Astros picked up a late-inning run when Yankee reliever Dellin Betances threw a ball away at first base. But a replay clearly showed that Astros shortstop Carlos Correa was way out of the base path, making the throw to first nearly impossible without hitting Correa. 

According to MLB rules, Correa, since he was out of the base path, would have been ruled out if Betances’ throw made contact with him. But that incentivizes pitchers to peg runners, as Yankee manager Joe Girardi pointed out. This rule definitely needs some tweaking, because Betances had no choice but to either hit Correa or throw it over the first baseman’s head and cost his team a run.

These late-inning calls took away some of the focus from the greatness of Opening Day. And yes, this section was just an excuse for me to talk about these controversies.

Lots of action 

If I come out for Opening Day, I don’t want a snoozefest. Give me dingers. Give me gap shots. Give me dumb pitching changes that lead to multiple earned runs for the starter who then starts a fight with the reliever in the dugout. Or one who starts a fight with a water cooler. That’s cool too.

Limit interleague games

I miss the purity of Major League Baseball. Leagues didn’t play each other besides that one stretch in June. Since Houston moved to the American League (making an even 15 teams in each league), there are interleague games every series. But instead of just one interleague series, we had three opening interleague matchups. Call me old-fashioned, like your great grandpa who won’t turn back the clocks for daylight savings, but I’d rather not see three interleague contests to start the year.

Day off from work

If the day after the Super Bowl isn’t going to be a national holiday and the start of March Madness isn’t going to be a national holiday, can we at least get Opening Day? It’s not like anybody’s paying attention to work these days anyway. Let’s give Opening Day the respect it deserves by letting Americans stay home, sit on the couch and watch baseball. Or if you don’t like baseball and prefer knitting, you can have the day off to work on your craft.

At its core, Opening Day is all about hope. Whether it’s hope that your team will make the World Series, hope they’ll finish .500 or hope they don’t finish last and force you to wear a paper bag on your head at the stadium, enjoy the early April baseball.

It won’t be as fun when your team’s out of the race in July.

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