Columnists, Sports

Sports Comedy Corner: The official guide to catching foul balls

You ever catch a foul ball?

The thrill can only be compared to winning the lottery, or the birth of your first child.

There are thousands of fans at the ballpark and you’re the lucky one with a ball off the bat. Actually, you may not be so lucky. You may just be the most prepared.

If you want to be a ball hawk, you’ve come to the right place. I’m no Zack Hample, the G.O.A.T. in our profession, but I’ve had some luck in the foul ball department.

It started in the bleachers with my dad back in my Little League days. One game each summer, our league posted up in left field at Shea Stadium to watch the New York Mets. We weren’t there to have fun though. We were there for business.

My dad was an expert ball hawk. He developed relationships with the ushers, knew hitters’ tendencies and made sure to get excellent post position. When we sat field level at Shea, he would always get the first baseman or a bench coach to throw me a ball at the end of an inning. But he also scooped live balls too, notably a José Reyes foul after a scrum in the second deck.

At one Little League outing, though, I made the biggest mistake of my life. It was a batting practice home-run ball and it was flying right at me. I remembered my training, took out my glove and boxed out my tiny opponents. The ball hit me square in the glove. And it bounced in and out.

I don’t like to talk about this moment. In fact, I think I wiped it from my memory until I sat down to write this column. My dad did snag the ball on the ricochet and we added it to the collection. But dropping a sure-fire home-run ball?

Never again.

Want to be like this lucky Orioles fan? Follow these tips. PHOTO COURTESY KEITH ALLISON/FLICKR
Want to be like this lucky Orioles fan? Follow these tips. PHOTO COURTESY KEITH ALLISON/FLICKR

Since then, I’ve focused on honing my craft. I don’t bring my glove to the park anymore but I still have an above-average success rate, the most recent snag being a Dustin Pedroia liner back in September. I played the ricochet like I built the stadium.

So let me give you some advice to get your own foul ball. If you follow these steps, I can guarantee you will come up with a souvenir. It may not be a baseball, but it sure as hell could be one of those cool batting helmets with ice cream.

Be Alert

Nobody ever caught a foul ball looking down at their phone. Actually, that’s not true. I’m sure someone’s scooped up a liner while Snapchatting. But it’s a rare phenomenon.

It sounds obvious, but you can increase your chances of bringing home a souvenir by actually watching the game. With so many fans face deep in Twitter, gain an advantage with your wandering eye. Hey, if it worked for middle-school Spanish tests, it can work down the first-base line in Philadelphia.

Bring The Other Team’s Cap

This is a controversial move but I’m here to argue in favor of it. The ‘ole hat switch has an extremely high success rate. Opposing players love seeing their fans travel to out of town games, so throw on that Tampa Bay Rays hat at Fenway Park or that Cincinnati Reds hat at Wrigley Field.

Critics will say you’re “not a real fan” if you pull this move. But if you’re tricking the right fielder into thinking he’s your favorite player, I applaud you. If it doesn’t work, you can always take out the hat and stomp on it to show your true fandom. I did this once in the Shea bleachers with a Baltimore Orioles hat and had an old guy in front of me cracking up.

Play The Odds

If a lefty is up, he’s more likely to foul it down the third-base side than the first-base side. So line up appropriately and buy multiple tickets in sections throughout the stadium. Be ready to switch at a moment’s notice.

Know Weird Stats

If you’re lucky enough to get position near the first-base dugout, you’re within earshot of the first baseman. If you can tell that dude where he went to college, or better yet know his birthday, he may feel a personal connection with you.

And yes, there’s a difference between catching a foul ball and getting a ball thrown to you. Getting one off the bat is way better, but it’s still cool to get a ball.

Box Out

I can’t stress this point enough. Don’t worry about annoying other fans. If the ball is close by, everybody will be gunning for it. Use your frame as a shield and absorb the contact. It helps if you have really, really long arms too.

So there’s the outline. Now run down to Fenway and put this into practice. Or just chill in centerfield, eat a bunch of popcorn, and take home those little helmets.

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