When Paris Hilton invaded Boston to receive Harvard Lampoon’s Woman of the Year award yesterday, the Muse took a moment to reflect on a few of our favorite heiress’s finest moments:
House of Wax: The most horrifying parts of this catastrophic remake weren’t the gruesome deaths, they were the scenes with Paris’s ratty weave that lasted more than half of the film. Luckily, when her death came, it was almost everything we could have hoped for: sweet, short, but alas, fictional. (We jest.)
A visit to Letterman: Last fall, Paris made a visit to David Letterman to promote her latest fragrance, Can Can. Unfortunately for her, Dave wasn’t so interested in her latest endeavor and rather focused on her stint in prison. “This could be your legacy,” Dave told the heiress while she squirmed in her seat. “You’re making me sad, Dave,” Paris said. Maybe so, but Paris’s embarrassment made for one of the most priceless moments in late-night history.
Her debut performance: While attending Hugh Hefner’s birthday party last year, Paris gave the only live “performance” of her music career, made available to the masses in a viral video on YouTube. Sadly, it wasn’t a rendition of the marginally acceptable “Stars Are Blind” (oops, did we just admit that?), but rather a tone-deaf performance of “Happy Birthday” to the bunny maestro himself. Next time, Paris should take a cue from her “frenemy” Britney and lip- sync.
Serving her time: For two weeks this summer, the gossip rags were noticably different. There were no pictures of Paris gallavanting in St. Tropez, no shots of her buying trashy t-shirts in Kitson. The one thing that could keep Paris Hilton from the public eye had caught up with her: jail. In was an unjust sentence, but Paris, always the upstanding citizen, surrendered herself to police for her time behind bars, just like Nelson Mandela! Following her release, Paris made sure to warn the public of the horrors of jail bologna sandwiches on Larry King Live. Thanks for the heads up.
The Hottie and the Nottie: Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Paris’s latest flick is a romantic comedy. Always one to sacrifice herself for others, Paris, the “hottie,” gives up dating until her “nottie” friend finds a man. Sounds a bit out of characters, no? On the other hand, perhaps Paris pulled a stunt like this on her old pal Nicole Richie. It would explain what brought on the anorexia.