So, the thing that really gets me about FOX canceling Futurama is it was never really given a chance. I mean, 7 p.m. on a Sunday is not exactly an ideal time slot. Let me just state for the record that … oh, wait. It seems I just received an instant message from some guy calling himself BigJohn38. Hold on a minute — this might take a little while.

BigJohn38: Hello? Am I talking to a BU student?

Aerokid17: Yeah, that’d be me — Danny Baram, COM ’04, Tuesday columnist and aspiring trapeze artist. And who would I be talking to? If this is an ad for FarmAnimalLoving.com, I already told you, I’m not interested!

BigJohn38: This is your chancellor speaking — John Silber. You heard of me?

Aerokid17: Oh yeah, that guy who wants us all to leave BU if we don’t like the Guest Policy. What can I do for ya?

BigJohn38: Well, I like to have my finger on the pulse of the student body. I got myself on that Internet you kids love so much. It seems you can use it to communicate with others.

Aerokid17: Yeah, you should try using it to actually talk to students. You know, get their opinions on pressing issues.

BigJohn38: Nah. I tried doing that back in ’73. Seems all they want is electrical outlets in the dorms and marijuana. Well, who needs electricity? Lousy hippies.

Aerokid17: You know, times have changed a little since then. The issues we care about now are a little different.

BigJohn38: Oh, yes, of course. That’s why we sent out that new survey. Did you get it?

Aerokid17: Yeah, it was pretty lame. No mention of the Guest Policy or anything even remotely relevant to current student concerns.

BigJohn38: You mean academic advising isn’t your top concern?

Aerokid17: Um … not really. And what’s with all the questions about billing?

BigJohn38: Well, we pride ourselves here at BU on effective billing methods.

Aerokid17: Yes, they seem to be pretty effective at driving our families into poverty.

BigJohn38: Well there’s no chance in hell of me changing the Guest Policy.

Aerokid17: Oh really? And why’s that?

BigJohn38: Hmm … ah yes, something about trysting and lovemaking.

Aerokid17: But I can’t even get into my friend’s room in Warren to watch a movie after midnight. That sucks.

BigJohn38: Come now, lad, don’t lie to yourself. No man in his right mind would voluntarily go into Warren Towers. Unless…

Aerokid17: Unless what?

BigJohn38: Unless he was planning on engaging in some kind of … sexual orgy!

Aerokid17: Well, did you at least look at the Student Union’s proposal? I know Jon Westling did. He even said he’d give it some thought.

BigJohn38: Who? I have other matters that require my attention, such as my tape of Comely Coeds 3. In any case, I laugh in the face of the pitiful students! You know, Daniel, I sometimes look out upon Commonwealth Avenue, just waiting for a hapless student to walk in the way of a speeding car … squish! No, statistics don’t impress me. I’m a man of philosophy. That’s why it would take exactly 3,000 students to.

Aerokid17: Three thousand students need to protest to make you take notice of us? What if there were only 2,999?

BigJohn38: I told you, numbers don’t concern me. Except eight. I like that one. It’s great.

Aerokid17: Do you even care what students think about their experience at BU?

BigJohn38: Of course, that’s why I always keep a fresh copy of The Daily Free Press next to the can.

Aerokid17: So you read my columns?

BigJohn38: No. Your columns are bland and foolish. I only read Casey Schreiner! That boy is a regular George Will. And that first one of Sara Malkin’s about her in the shower was pretty good too. Very kinky.

Aerokid17: Why are you so bitter and condescending?

BigJohn38: It’s my medication. Damn pills … so addictive.

Aerokid17: You know, this Guest Policy thing is getting pretty big — they even ran an article about it on the front page of The Boston Globe.

BigJohn38: Bah! I only trust The Chicago Tribune and Paula Zahn for news. Whoever wrote that article in the Globe is probably just some no-good lovemaker. As Kant said, “Never trust he who writes words that are stupid.”

Aerokid17: Um, I don’t think Kant said that.

BigJohn38: I’m never wrong! For instance, I know that right now you are most likely engaged in some kind of Swedish sex ritual. Why don’t you show some support for your school and watch the Terriers play hockey on FOX SportsNet?

Aerokid17: Sir, we don’t get cable.

BigJohn38: And you never will!

Aerokid17: But I thought you were trying to get your finger on the student pulse?

BigJohn38: Actually, I just wanted to see if you could help proofread my new book. It’s called “How To Piss People Off,” by John Silber.

Aerokid17: Um, actually it turns out that my mom just called … so yeah, I’d better get going, and um, it was nice talking to you, but I am just so busy lately, so, um, yeah bye.

Wow, that was interesting. Sometimes I talk to the strangest people online. I guess he was just another one of those crazies who you read so much about in the papers.