Dear Modern Rock,

Hi! Remember me? In 10th grade I was really into you. You were so catchy, and you actually had some diversity in you! I was just writing you because I wanted to know why you suck now.

Seriously, what happened to you? Now, your name is just thrown around to describe one type of band: dudes playing chugga-chugga-chugga guitars and screaming about girls that don’t like them. It’s become so bad that you’re getting confused with that geek Emo. Is this what you really want?

Aren’t you pissed that people think you’re friends with Finch? I mean, lets talk about What it is to Burn, which is also the name of their breakout single, curiously listed as a ‘bonus track.’ All of their songs are the same, man! There’s pounding guitars and whiny singing, with blood-curdling screams in the background to remind us of the emotional scarring left by hot chicks.

‘New Beginnings’ sounds like a rap-less Papa Roach, ‘Letters to You’ is like a neutered puppy (‘I want you to know/ That I miss you so’), and I remember when ‘Three Simple Words’ was a Hoobastank song. Wasn’t it?

I mean, there’s nothing really too good or too bad about Finch. ‘Project Mayhem’ is a fun little grindcore experiment. But for your sake, I just thought you wouldn’t want to be namedropped in the same sentence as Finch anymore.