Cell phones perhaps the greatest necessary evil of our times are everywhere. Their powers are increasing, their usage is constantly growing and there’s nothing in this world anyone can do to stop them. On your cell, you can have an MP3-quality ring tone, a radio and even a camera that you can connect to your computer to upload pictures. What marvels!

It used to be that cell phones were something people kept in the glove compartments of their cars in case of emergency. Cells used to be a symbol of workaholic business folk, who used their phones for some kind of international deal anywhere they were. It used to be that cells were only meant for the extremely cool, Zack Morris types, who, with gaudy phone in hand, could stop time and deliver what my younger self thought to be hysterically accurate soliloquies on high school life.

But not anymore!

Everyone and his mom has a cell phone today. It’s replaced the need for dorm phones on campus the main reason, I’m told, that we have an internet fee. For some families, it’s replaced the house phone. I understand this; it’s cheaper, more accessible and can be carried all over the place.

So, OK, fine, we all have these little phones that we use just about everywhere except in the maniacal state of Connecticut, where cell phones cease to work for reasons still unknown to me. But should there not be some kind of ethics code for their use?

My main gripe about cell phone usage is simple: We’ve all become schizophrenics. I’m stunned, at least once a day, by people talking to themselves with this crazy invention called the hands-free-cord-thingamabob. That’s the technical term for it, I promise you. In New York, my home state, it’s illegal to drive without a hands-free device. And with good reason. Some people are really too stupid to drive and talk at the same time, let alone with only one hand on the steering wheel. I’m a full supporter of this, as I’m nearly run over several times a week by Boston drivers on their cell phones. I’ve done some research, and the cause for many accidents in New York was attributed to cell phone use. There is a plus side to these hands-free thingies.

But is there really a need for hands-free cell use when walking? Come on, people. This is sheer laziness and is only confusing for people in your close proximity. You look like you’re insane when you’re talking without a cell phone pressed to your ear. I see no reason why you can’t just raise your right (or left, depending on your preference) hand to the side of your head and have a conversation instead of weirding out everyone in your path.

And in some ways, the walk-and-talk is just as dangerous as driving. I’ve bumped into a plethora of people too engaged with their phones to simply look up. I’ve grabbed a number of people out of a crosswalk who were too enthralled in a conversation to look up and notice the Silver Line speeding into their path. The cell phone may be growing in strength, but I promise, it can’t stop a speeding bus from launching you into the middle of Kenmore Square. You could, I suppose, take a picture of it while hurtling in mid-air.

Let me maintain clarity. In spite of myself, I do have a cell phone. It’s my only means of keeping a constant connection with my family, friends and telemarketers. Also, the uselessness of complicated rings notwithstanding, I thoroughly enjoy my Lord of the Rings-theme ring, which I’ve lovingly dubbed the Horn of Gondor. (I’ve already told you I was a dork). But I’m not going to risk life, limb and self-respect by having one of those ear-pieces in my ear and walking at the same time! People would gawk at me, just as I gawk at those who talk hands-free.

I respect the one friend I have for forsaking the cursed cell phone. I know that when I need to reach Santino, I can reach him. Good for you, T you rebel! I’ve even considered defenestrating at the risk of expulsion from Myles. Just sending my new-wave blue Nokia out the window without a second thought because my signal isn’t good on one side of my room. Hopefully, it’d hit an ignorant hands-free walker on the way down.

The truth is, the cell is a necessary evil that I will continue to bear. I beg, though, for those who can’t be bothered to hold their phone to their head to take that damn cord out of their eardrums and join the immediate world around them.

Brad Jones, a junior in the College of Communication, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. His email address is [email protected].