It’s literally so easy to be nice. Those are the words my best friend Chesney texted me after I messaged her about an encounter I had with a few blatantly rude girls. I’ll spare you the details — but I walked away shaken up.
Isn’t it harder to be intentionally mean than to fake kindness?
We all have awful days. There are times when I just want to give dirty looks and tell everyone to “leave me alone.” Sometimes, socializing feels like the hardest task of the day. All I want is to lie in bed, bury myself under the covers and hibernate.
However, I always conclude that expressing negativity drains me more than being kind. It is one thing to feel bad, but it is another thing to spread these negative feelings. Projecting that feeling onto others worsens it. Knowing I am the reason someone is sad is unbearable.
So why are people mean at all? Many would say it is projection — people are hateful because they’re fighting their own internal battles. Insecure people search for faults in others to make themselves less lonely.
As English naturalist and botanist John Ray said in 17th-century England, “Misery loves company.”
Others claim people are nasty because they come from a harsh environment. They were never taught any differently. Growing up, their role models were poor, and that contributes to the type of person they are now.
Both of these arguments are logical and may serve as justification for some people’s behavior. Nonetheless, I do not want to put up with these excuses.
We are all insecure. We look in the mirror and recognize the faults in ourselves. For example, I am particularly critical of my own acne. It bothers me daily, and yet, you do not see me going around and telling others that their pimples look horrible.
Not everyone acts harshly to others because of their own humiliations. Self-doubt is inevitable, but rudeness is not. The two do not go hand in hand for everyone — they should not go together for anyone.
As for the idea of our childhood shaping our personalities, I agree. Our environments present us with morals that we typically follow because they are all we know as children. If I were never taught to say “please” and “thank you,” I would have been an impolite child.
However, we are no longer kids, and we have all been introduced to new perspectives. We have now reached college. We should all have the maturity to separate kindness from disrespect. By now, we know better.
So much of my life has been spent excusing the actions of others. The list of rationalizations is endless: “Maybe they were just having a bad day,” “They don’t know any different,” “What if something happened” or “They must be insecure.” Even today, I found myself shocked and shaken by my negative experience with strangers.
Seeing the good in everyone is hurting and draining. It is time we admit the truth: Some people are just mean.
There are people who enjoy watching your face drop and heart sink after you realize you’re getting made fun of. There are people who are fueled by putting down others, despite the harm they are causing.
We are human. It is our nature to make sense of why people act a certain way. The hardest thing to grasp is the possibility that there is no reason.
I need to constantly tell myself to stop getting disappointed when people are blatantly disrespectful — sometimes, it is just who they are.
But at the same time, if I did not get surprised by unfriendliness, I would not be who I am. My indifference to individuals like this would imply I have given up on humanity. It would mean I do not see the good in everyone — a trait that makes me unique.
My consensus is this: Good people should stop excusing bad behavior, but if we did stop, we would lose what makes us good.
The fact that we try to rationalize malice shows that we do not understand it. It highlights the beautiful fact that there is benevolence in many humans — so much so that we search for it in everyone.
Excusing the bad is a curse, but it is also a blessing. It is humbling and draining, but it is the trait of a good-natured and kind-hearted soul.
My best friend Chesney says it’s so easy to be nice because, for her and me, it is. Maybe compassion is not that simple for everyone — but that is exactly what gives power to good people.