Boston, like any city, can be a dangerous place. Even the warm confines of Boston University can house pockets of peril. And although the Student Union’s walk looking for problem areas was a start, we here at the ol’ Free Press think they might have missed a few spots. Come along with us on a magic ride through the other BU.

The College of Communication may not look like a dangerous place, but woe to the unsuspecting student who walks in with a visible math textbook. He has to run for his life from the superstitious natives, who have an irrational fear of this talisman, gathered within the school’s crumbling walls. Similar instances have been reported with Shakespeare folios in the College of Engineering or any books at all in the College of General Studies.

Though luxurious Bay State Road may seem like a safe haven for the frightened student, it is anything but. Should he venture too close to the gates protecting Chancellor John Silber’s lair, 10,000 volts will be his reward. If he’s lucky enough to get inside the fence, he must be on guard against man-eating orchids, cannibalistic cleaning gnomes and the hounds. Even then, the final obstacle awaits: the bottomless pit. It’s whispered that the edge of this perilous precipice was where Jon Westling and Richard DeWolfe were last seen, before vanishing from the face of the earth.

But, of course, for pure terror and utter abandonment, nothing rivals our home, The Daily Free Press office. From paper cuts to wax burns to carpal tunnel syndrome, a myriad of illnesses await those foolish enough to blunder inside. And even if you try to escape, our sticky carpets will re-inforce our motto: once you’re in, you never leave.