Accessories. When I think of them, I think of handbags, barrettes, maybe even a nice scarf.

In a culture in which people like it small (so small that diminutive cell phones are starting to resemble fingernails), toy and teacup dogs seem like the most fashionable accessory these days.

Now why would anyone want to carry around a living, fluffalicious little pooch? Is it because little, itty-bitty dogs are just so damn cute? Is it because you can’t stand to leave your teensy-weensy Sugar at home?

Or is it because the best accessory is one that is not only expensive (a Maltese from a respected breeder will run you about $1,500) but excessive? I dare you to try to get a miniature doggy and then resist the temptation of accessorizing your accessory. You and little Puppy X can have matching tags from Tiffany and Co., and the same Burberry sweater. How sweet.

When my mother and I visited breeders in the hopes of buying a puppy, I asked the breeder why all the dogs were so small. He said it was because they are lap dogs. Lap dogs toy, teacup, whatever you want to call them were once used in ancient China to deflect flees from your body. The idea was that if you kept the small dog on your lap, the little guy would keep you flee-free.

And now, years later, we’ve gone from keeping these dogs on our lap to gently laying out their pee-mats on our floors the poshest of pampered dogs, naturally, are paper-trained these days. But when the minis do brave the frigid outdoors to use the bathroom, you can often find them clad in the fashionable raincoats with matching boots.

Maybe I’m a little bitter about this whole dog thing. Do I despise it? Goodness, no. The problem is that I want one so freaking bad it’s killing me. I want to walk my little Yorkie down Commonwealth Avenue in her Shetland sweater. I want to frolic in the snow and hear her engraved sterling silver dog tag jingling in the winter wind. I want to carry Uzi yeah, that’s what I would name her in a little bag with me while I shop.

Does this make me shallow? Does this make me an airhead? No, it just makes me a shopgirl in the city.