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Nice guys don’t even get Jamba lovers

Sometimes the craving is so bad that I find myself intoxicated with desire. I see it everywhere on the streets of Boston. I, like any other man, have the luscious temptation to seize the opportunity and gobble up every morsel they have to offer. Late at night, when I’m all alone, there is only one thing that can satisfy my dark desire Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

Did I confuse you to think I was talking about a woman? Well, according to Denise Spellman’s ‘cry me a smoothie’ column, it seems that my male raging hormones are just as bad as my craving for Ben and Jerry’s ice cream (‘Even better than men: the real way to satisfy a woman,’ Nov. 6, pg. 11).

It’s a shame that men haven’t fallen to your feet to fit ‘your’ schedule between the hours of 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. maybe it’s just me, but I find myself getting an education, instead of cuddling up with my sweetie on a rainy day. I cry at the fact that a male hasn’t seen the light and ‘catered’ to your every need just because you’re going through that ‘time of the month again.’ And I’m so terribly sorry that men haven’t stuck around long enough to shower your pretty face with flowery praises of ‘princess’ and ‘buttercup’ that I’m sure your father told you 10 years ago.

No, some guys have better things to do like eating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Ben never dares to ‘tease’ you; he is always there to consummate my every desire. Even Jerry he never leaves me for some bulky hockey player. He likes my body just the way it is. Ben and Jerry don’t hide their true flavors under the latest Italian designers. They cleverly tell you what wonderful creamy flavor you’re going to get.

Granted, I understand your plight. I admit that it’s not ‘raining men’ on the streets of Commonwealth Avenue. Also, I do concede that many guys play with the hearts of women only to go after other guys. But Denise, I’m a nice single guy at BU and I haven’t had a girlfriend in my two years here. I consider myself an attractive bachelor, but I can’t understand why women seem to shun me for men who are only looking for a night of action. It baffles my mind that I’m surrounded by a sea of woman and gay men, and I still can’t find any girls to flock to me because I’m ‘nice.’

Open your eyes, Denise: We’re out there waiting for one of you blonde bombshells to defy convention and whisk us away. It’s a shame I forgot to bring my shining armor to school I was under the impression that girls are looking for ‘nice’ guys. Instead, I’m the nice guy who finishes last, being drained by women who resemble Edward Munch’s Vampire than a sensitive, Jamba Juice-loving woman that you, Denise, made me believe existed. Throw me a bone here Denise, or better yet how about a carton of ice cream?

Nick Ogiony

COM ’05

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