Aiming to raise awareness and reduce the stigma of suicide and depression, Fearless and the South Campus Residence Housing Association held a teach-in at 522 Park Dr. last night where two founders of Fearless shared their personal experiences with depression.
“Externally, everything in my life was just fine,” said Fearless President Elizabeth Churchill, a College of Arts and Sciences sophomore. “I was essentially going through the motions in my life.”
But inside, she showed other typical signs of depression – sleeping more, eating less, increasing caffeine consumption, cutting herself and feeling hopeless and anxious – but said the worst part of her depression was the isolation.
“You look at the world around you and no one else seems depressed,” Churchill said. “Society doesn’t get depressed, especially society at [Boston University]. BU is a pretty apathetic campus.”
This isolation increased her depression and prompted her to start Fearless, hoping to create a sense of community and open discussion about suicide, which is the second leading cause of death for college students, according to the Samaritans, an international suicide crisis intervention group.
“I inwardly tore myself up,” Churchill said. “I felt like I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it.”
Fearless Secretary Jen Stanger, a sophomore in the School of Education, shared similar feelings resulting from seven years of clinical depression and three suicide attempts.
“Often, people don’t understand because [depression] seems so irrational,” she said. “I know when I’m being irrational, but I really can’t control it. Depression is a disease. I can’t just get over it.”
The downward spiral image is a good symbol of depression, Stanger said, because each of her negative thoughts leads to another. She also compared depression to a parasite, saying,
“It latches on, grows and feeds until that’s what you are,” Stanger added.
But because mental health problems usually carry a stigma, Stanger faced a decision whether or not to inform friends of her mental health problems.
“The stigma of depression extends all the way to the BU administration,” Stanger said, referring to problems she and Churchill each had with the Office of Residence Life.
After Churchill’s friends reported jokes she made about suicide, Resident Assistants ordered a mental evaluation, but she refused. Following a second incident involving an e-mail sent to a friend, Churchill was eventually asked to change residences.
“At this point it became clear to me that the policy was punitive, not helpful,” she said. “When you’re told you have a negative impact on society, it makes you feel like you have no place in society.”
The BU Residence License Agreement states, “The University may reassign a resident to a different accommodation … if the University, in its sole discretion, deems such reassignment necessary or advisable. Reassignment may occur as a sanction for a resident’s failure to comply with any rule/regulation, in the interests of health or safety, or for the more prudent use of resources or efficient administration of the residential system.”
Churchill said BU deemed her conduct disruptive to other students, and she said she did not react well to Office of Residence Life attempts to get her evaluation and treatment.
Fearless does support requiring these evaluations, but disagrees with requiring a change in residence.
“We don’t want to attack anyone,” Churchill said. “We feel this policy is part of a larger social ill.”
Fearless plans to reduce the larger ill of the stigma associated with depression by encouraging communication and increasing education through awareness months for mental disorders and by using psychology faculty at future events.
CAS freshman Emily Griset was among about 15 students who attended, saying she feels suicide is an important issue after having a high school friend commit suicide.
“I wanted to come and talk to people about it,” she said. “I though it was really helpful and good to hear about the warning signs.”
Churchill said the turnout and response “made her month,” and hopes Fearless can help other students recover from depression as she has through therapy, identifying with other people’s loneliness and realizing that people around her do love her.
“I know I can’t change what happened to me,” she said. “If I can stop someone else who’s going through this and help them, that’s what matters.”
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