Now is the time for students to receive their housing lottery numbers. Some students are lucky enough to get numbers that would allow them to choose from among any of Boston University’s finest dorms. And the rest, well, they’re all just po’ bastids who get stuck with whatever’s left.
For the po’ bastid who got number 4309, you can expect to live in the fabulously hot dorm in the College of Arts and Sciences boiler room that will keep you toasty all winter long. And don’t mind those annoying little furry friends living next door. You’ll get used to their squeaking in no time.
And for the po’ bastid who received number 5923, you can look forward to staying in the exclusive new high-rise apartments on the top floor of the Photonics Center. Just make sure you don’t touch any shiny, metallic missile-shaped objects with the name of a government agency written on the side or the University, or you will be promptly shot.
And for the po’ bastid who received 7891, you get to live in Loretto Hall. Well, someone has to.
Did we forget to mention that the po’ bastids who got numbers from 9031 and 9131? You won’t be living on campus at all. In fact, you won’t be housed anywhere near the campus. But don’t worry. The University is renting space for displaced students in the Park Street T stop bring your tent.
Oh, and for the lucky bastid who received 9999 … uh, well, you’re always welcome to camp out on the steps out in front of the ol’ Free Press.
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