Lighten up to columnist humor

n This letter is in response to Alys Ebenhoe’s letter (“Performing troupe not presented accurately” April 18). For crying out loud, RELAX! Why is it that there’s an angry letter in every issue of The Daily Free Press these days about the humor columns! People, the top right area of the opinion section is reserved for jokes — yes that’s right — inaccurate, fact-free, smile-inducing (gasp!) humor! Nothing more!

Alys, bubbi, sweetheart, I’m sure you and your crew gave a wonderful performance of “Twelfth Night.” I’ve done some acting myself, and I know it would hurt to have an article published in the newspaper that belittled my work — except in the humor column! Saying that the stage fell apart, all the actors were electrocuted and walked around for the duration of the play blubbering “what’s my motivation?” while occasionally breaking into electrically induced spasms is not LYING, it’s FUNNY!

The second half of every sentence Letterman/Leno/O’Brien tell during their monologues every night (the punch line) is never true. Al Gore doesn’t really moon George W. through his bedroom window every night while standing on a tree in the White House lawn. Where is your sense of humor?

From now on, I beg all of you out there who don’t know how to take a joke (You know who you are — George Carlin and Denis Leary are on your “people to kill and/or write to” list) please, please, please IGNORE the top right section of the opinions page. In fact, skip the Opinions Page altogether. It is meant for the lighthearted. People who aren’t afraid to let go once in a while. Indulge in fantasy. People who watch late-night TV and don’t call the pentagon the next morning to rat on Conan O’Brien for claiming our president said “those damned Chinese” out loud in a restroom once. “Does he really have to resort to lying?” Yes. He does. Don’t like it? Don’t watch it.

CAS ’03