After President Barack Obama’s titillating speech left us feeling quite healthy and totally covered, we feel a lot less scared of the illnesses plaguing our campus. Here’s a list of some sicknesses BU has been relieved from, thanks to the promise of the most comprehensive health care plan since Advil and whiskey.
Ladies enrolled in the College of General Studies now no longer have to fear the dreaded Black Leg, a disease caused by a lack of circulation to lower extremedies due to excessive legging-wearing.
Mayoral candidate Michael Flaherty can cross supplying stomach pumps to Boston area college students off his list, because now they’re covered by actual doctors.
Swine flu vaccinations and treatments are now covered for everybody, not that any of us cared much anyway.
Editors at the Harvard Crimson newspaper now can get treated for head trauma, after that long, hard ‘fall through the cracks.’
Students living in the opulent StuVi 2 are covered too, not that most of them don’t have doctors as parents anyway.
And because even us FreePers are covered, we can all finally relax on the office couch without worrying what health effects will result after all the things that happened there.
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