I do not live in a trash heap. I do not speak with an ugly accent and I, under no circumstances, have ever even considered fist pumping while dancing. I am from New Jersey, and I am not taking your crap any longer.
Too often when I reveal my state of origin to an inquiring mind, I am treated to a screwed up expression of pain or a smug smile and an accompanying “oh . . . that’s unfortunate.” I have had friends declare they refuse to set foot in New Jersey, despite the fact they have never been there. Massachusetts, Connecticut, California and New York, along with New Jersey, are the top five states from which most BU students come from and thus proportionately from which the most Jersey-haters come as well.
The Garden State may have weathered its fair share of scandals, but according to my own recent observations, it appears that in a five-way race to see which state is the least messed up, New Jersey is coming out on top. Listen up; it is time for some big revenge for this little state which will be sweeter than Jersey corn in August.
Massachusetts citizens, when you vote for politicians do you take into account their capabilities or just pick whoever seems the most insane? Of course, we have all seen the Cosmo centerfold pictures of Sen. Scott Brown, who won both the award for best waxed chest and a seat in the United States Senate. Also, I hate to reopen old wounds, but those Salem witch trials were pretty messed up, too.
If your state is so far in debt that it makes New Jersey look rich, then you know you are broke. I guess this proves it is beneficial to elect a governor who has the ability to make comprehensive policies and speak comprehensible English. What is California’s most recent scheme to make a few bucks? Make the college kids pay! The state has increased its tuition at its public universities, which makes sense because having a substantial income stream and being a college student obviously go hand-in-hand. California, last time I checked, people whose diets consist of ramen and microwavable Kraft macaroni and cheese aren’t making six digits, or even one digit for that matter.
New Jersey often takes the most flack for its city of Newark. Due to its location right outside of New York City and the fact it has a major airport, it is often the only part of New Jersey that out-of-staters see. While, indeed, it is an eyesore and does emit more smoke than God’s cigar, you haven’t truly seen decrepit, dingy and dirty until you have taken a ride on Amtrak’s Northeast corridor line. A few times a year, including this past Saturday, I am treated to a nasty ride through of what I call the Lindsay-Lohan-Industrial-Trifecta &- my apologies to The Daily Free Press if they are served with a $100 million lawsuit for that comment &- which consists of three cities which look more beat-up than the drugged-up actress. The ramshackle metropolises, which include Bridgeport, New Haven and Hartford, are all located in the very center of the Constitution State. Connecticut, the only thing your state seems to be constituted of is places where all things beautiful and happy go to die a slow gray death. I wouldn’t be surprised if half the crumbling factories there are puppy and unicorn slaughter houses. So to all you Connecticut-ans, ites, ers, whatever you call yourself, do not complain about a couple Jersey smoke stacks when you are not exactly living in urban paradise.
New York is definitely the state from which Jersey receives the most scorn. Looks like your current Gov. David Paterson is doing just wonderful, considering Eliot Spitzer left some big shoes &- and Jockeys &- to fill. He has really made sure to surround himself by some great people. Your other politicians have been a little more friendly lately, maybe too affectionate, actually. Former Democratic Rep. Eric Massa just wanted to spread the love when he tackled a staffer and “tickled him until he couldn’t breathe.” Those stuffy legal officials screaming “harassment” really just need to loosen up. When the tickle monster comes out to play, dignity &-&- and normal social behavior &-&- be damned!
I have to confess that I am not a “Jersey girl.” I do not have an undying adoration for New Jersey and as much as I love Bruce Springsteen, I am not going get his face tattooed on my butt (which I have actually had the misfortune of seeing). In fact, I wasn’t even born in the state, but I do genuinely like living there. So, I would appreciate it if everyone would simply lay off with the extreme criticism. No state is perfect, so give it a chance. Once you get past the smell, it’s a really pleasant place.
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