We spend a lot of time thinking about what’s next — where we’re going for lunch, the meeting we have later in the day, the event we’re going to tomorrow. When we have plans to do something exciting, we constantly look forward to it and are consumed by anticipation.
We do the same when we dread something. We can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop complaining about it or wish we didn’t have to go. Both scenarios make a lot of sense. We look forward to guaranteed fun and dread guaranteed discomfort.
Exciting and dreadful scenarios have a lot in common. We want to get them over with, maybe for the thrill or maybe so we can move on with our lives. Either way, we spend a lot of time dwelling on them. And we spend very little time thinking about what we’re doing right now, right this second.
We constantly hear about the need to stop focusing so much on the past, stop thinking about the future and simply concentrate on the present. It has been said so many times that we don’t think twice about it. Which is probably why no one ever pays complete attention to the present.
The problem with “focusing on the present” is that it’s incredibly impractical. If we spent all of our time in the moment, we would be late to everything. We would be overly impulsive and never think about consequences, which probably wouldn’t work out well for anyone. When we talk about valuing the present, we need to be more specific.
Because yes, we need to spend more time enjoying individual moments. But we also need the future. We need to plan the basic elements of our day. We need to look forward to things. It pushes us to work through the terrible days where we have to wake up early, go to the doctor or take a test.
Dreaded moments are simply unavoidable, so we get excited about other moments to balance it out.
Clearly, we need to think about the present in a different way. I think the problem is less about spending less time dwelling on the past and anticipating the future and more about our perpetual lack of gratitude. More often than not, we don’t care about the current moment. It is somehow both too predictable and too unpredictable.
For one, we know exactly what is going on. We know the action we are immersed in. However, we don’t know what the outcome of that action will be. More particularly, we don’t know if there will be negative or positive consequences.
The past is comfortable because we have moved beyond the outcome of our actions and have learned from them. We look back and laugh at our mistakes, feeling nostalgia for the familiarity. The future, while it might be scary, still holds the comfort of possibility. We have control over our dreams and can imagine them coming true. The present has none of this.
We need to be more realistic when we talk about the importance of living in the moment. It’s OK to plan, it’s OK to anticipate, and it’s OK to look back on fond memories. In fact, it’s important to do so. But sometimes, especially in new and exciting — even nerve-wracking — situations, we should forget about the past and future for just a moment.
We should latch onto the powerful moments that remind us where we are right then and there, and the impact it has on us. Even if it’s just because you’re eating a really good baguette.
