Parents need to be talking to their kids about gender and identity before 10 when beliefs calcify. Schools must integrate social-emotional learning and comprehensive sexual education that affirm young people’s identities, teach consent, emphasize empathy and lead boys to spaces where they can discuss masculinity in trustworthy ways.

Looking back, I feel ashamed of what I watched and my amusement with the content. Seeing an anti-feminist video or laughing about it with a friend became so normal that it was easy to get drawn in. This phase could have shaped my worldview and my personal politics, reinforcing harmful stereotypes and limiting empathy. For some, this wasn’t just a phase, as it has developed into stronger beliefs. For me, it was a wake-up call to take control of what I let influence me and to build my own understanding of the world. 

What once described an isolated internet subculture is now used as shorthand for any expression of male resentment. If you’ve been on the internet within the past few years, chances are you’ve probably run into the term “incel,” whether that be in a comment section on a chauvinistic post or a meme mocking a particular worldview.