The walk of fame

Enough attention has been given to the scandal of the slutty Halloween costumes sported on the T and streets of Allston. So rather than dwelling on this exhausted issue, I prefer to give the non-slutty costume wearers a taste of the limelight. That’s right. What about the Teletubby, Alligator and KFC-guy costume wearers? Just because they are not flaunting their Halloweiners, or attempting to win Breast Dressed, does not mean they don’t have the right to be recognized. In fact, they should be praised, celebrated and admired for their bold fashion statements. While roaming the streets of Boston, I found myself surrounded by a vast populous of over-worn costumes. However, amongst these unoriginal get-ups were a select few who chose to think outside of the box. In the bland company of whorish pirates, and too many Blue Man Group men to count, I found a salt and peppershaker pair to spice things up. The fun did not stop there, however. Upon looking further into the crowd creatively inept students on the T, I spotted the Swine Flu; an ironic manifestation of what probably lingers on each and every handle bar we hold onto while attempting to maintain our balance on the train. Once returning to the streets of Beantown, I found myself yet against amongst a multitude of clich’eacute;d costumes. But suddenly, beneath the luminous moonlight and aside a young man on the verge of beer-induced regurgitation, I saw Octomom.’ Ladies, I suggest you all take a hint. If you’re looking to impress the men, seek not to flaunt your assets with overexposure, but rather . . . take the most literal approach and simply become a hot momma.

The festivities of Halloween provide us with sheer entertainment, transforming the sidewalks of Boston into a catwalk for the most absurd of costumes. But although students have free reign to wander the streets in ridiculous wardrobes between the hours of 8 p.m. and 2 a.m., the rules suddenly change come Sunday morning. You see, typically, students can get away with the one-night stand escape undetected, however, Halloween complicates things quite a bit. Men or women who choose to stay the night with their fling of the evening can usually flee back to their apartment the next morning fairly discreetly. While the disheveled gentlemen wearing a half-buttoned dress shirt and loafers without socks might look slightly suspicious walking down the street at 7 a.m., the post-Halloween walk is far worse. It is on Nov. 1 and Nov. 1 only that the walk of shame becomes the walk of fame. Strolling down the streets of Boston Sunday morning, I found myself accompanied by Harry Potter (who seemed quite content with his night of magic), soon followed by a rather perky Marilyn Monroe. This infamous early morning walk home is widely considered a social taboo, or a humiliating trek in the least . . . and the inability for these costume-wearing walk-of-famers to return to their homes inconspicuously is just about the most hilarious thing that I have ever witnessed.

So please, accept my word of advice. While planning your costume for next Halloween, do take into account the fact that you may be trudging home the morning after, wearing the same costume that you had fearlessly worn out on the night before. I’d rethink the butt-less chaps and opt for a more conservative costume. Because really, no one has the right to judge the Energizer bunny walking down the street at 7 a.m., regardless of where he’s spent his night.