Crack, ting, snap, hiss! Is that a rattlesnake eating an aluminum can full of lead shot? No, that’s our radiator. Rumble, smash, roar, screech! Did Liam Neeson release the Kraken again? No, that’s just the traffic on Beacon, Mass. Ave. and Storrow. Is that an abstract watercolor in the closet? No, that’s a pretty hefty mold infestation. Is that bubblegum stuck to the walls and ceiling? No, we don’t have a f–king clue what that is.
Here’s a list of the pros and cons (well, mostly cons) of living in Danielsen.
PROS:
It’s close to Newbury Street and the Prudential Center mall. So if I want a new pair of Pumas or froyo from PinkBerry every other day, I guess this is a pro.
The basement has a very nice pingpong table and a kitchen. Woo-f–king-hoo.
There’s an indoor bike rack if you feel like risking your life in the streets of Boston, battling Mass-holes in expensive cars.
The BU Bus makes its first stop there. The morning bus is fairly reliable. But don’t ever try take it back to Danielsen from East, Central or West Campus during the day; you’ll wind up on a 45-minute jaunt to BU’s randomly-located Medical Campus and back
CONS:
It’s about as cheerful as a hospice.
The walls ooze pink slime. Seriously, though. Unidentified pink globs suddenly appear on the walls and ceiling in your room. And the only response you get from the university is a guy who says, in a thick Boston accent, “F–kin’ freaky. You got bigger balls than I do. I woulda been f–kin’ outta heeyah.”
Mold is your third roommate. And if you complain about it, the university will send a maintenance worker and an old guy whose hands shake uncontrollably to “assess the situation.” They’ll leave, and nobody will ever come back.
The faucet will spit out cold water unevenly and uncontrollably and completely lack the ability to even dribble hot water. You’ll complain to the the office about it three or four times before it’s fixed.
The radiator will spew steam, hiss and hiccup boiling water from a broken cap.
It’s a mile away from Central Campus and two miles from West, and it’s not on any T line.
There are six washing machines for the entire ten-story building plus the people who live in the Beacon St brownstones. Even a COM major can do that math and figure there aren’t enough (it’s cool, I’m a COM major).
Oh, and it’s haunted. Rumor has it, it was formerly an insane asylum. The history of the building is suspiciously absent from the web. According to a 2001 blog post, the university hires a priest to bless the building before every academic year. Also, there’s a closet door that only cracks open about four inches or so. Inside is a busted tile floor and in the far corner there’s a tank of some sort; can you say “hold him down while we pump gas down his throat and tap his skull”? Jeepers creepers.
Well, that’s about it. The cons are cons and the pros aren’t really pros. Happy housing, folks! Note that nothing was fabricated in this rant. I have experienced it all, from unhelpful university staff to a moldy closet to sleepless nights to yada yada yada . . . you get the point.
-Angelo Verzoni
COM sophomore
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