March Madness turns into Insanity

Before I introduce the greatest contest this side of a Brady family potato sack race, let me let you in on a little secret.

When it comes to making my NCAA tournament picks, I might as well turn over my unfilled bracket to the Bill Walton ‘B’roadcasting ‘S’chool.

I’m horrible. Every year, I go in with high anticipations and every year it’s the same results: a lighter wallet. (By the way, isn’t it bad enough that we have to listen to Bill Walton broadcast NBA games? Now he has signed up with CBS for tournament action. If they ever team Walton with Rick Pitino I’m going to kill something … or write a letter.)

This season, I’m not alone in my poor bracket-ology. When did Pennsylvania start fielding competitive basketball teams? Why won’t Gonzaga lose? And why can’t the America East field a team capable of some Cinderella lovin’? (Hofstra, we needed you to get to the Sweet 16 if Peter was going to win lots of mon-… err, the respect of his friends and co-workers. Yes, respect… )

That’s why there’s need for a different kind of March Madness. That’s why there’s need for Terrier Insanity on Tuesdays.

Sixteen competitors with tie-ins to the Boston University Athletic Department. Four grueling rounds of competition. And since it’s March, we’re going to go with 1-on-1 basketball games.

In other words, we’re starting with the Sweet 16 and the format will mimic the NCAA tournament. But instead of schools representing the teams, the competitors will consist of BU administrators, coaches, players and anybody else that may be in some random way connected to the world of BU sports. And the best part is that you, faithful readers of Cut to the Chase, will have a chance to determine the outcome.

Some might say it’s unfair to have a basketball format, thus giving an unfair advantage to the competitors that actually play basketball. To that, I assure your basketball skills will play no importance here. Determination, strong will and mental toughness will be the only factors.

And now, I present the very important seedings and Sweet 16 match-ups, and again, the seeding format will be identical to that of the NCAA tournament. At the end, you’ll find out how you can participate in the Insanity.

No. 1 Gary Strickler vs. No. 16 Mary Pratt: Strickler, BU’s athletic director, enters this match heavily favored over former world-class softball player and BU graduate Mary Pratt. Pratt was one of the softball players the movie “A League of Their Own” was based on and most likely has not waged in such a competitive battle in more than 30 years. Not only does Strickler own a large age advantage over Pratt, but also has a considerable size advantage. Best estimates show Strickler more than a foot and a half taller than Pratt and more than 125 pounds heavier.

No. 8 Rodney Pratt vs. No. 9 Kenya Palmer: This classic 8 vs. 9 match-up features long-time men’s crew coach Rodney Pratt against senior outfielder Kenya Palmer. While basketball is the name of the game, both competitors are known for their strong vocal skills, as Pratt bellows commands to his rowers while Palmer leads softball cheers from the dugout. This is anybody’s game.

No. 5 Jason Grochowalski vs. No. 12 Sasquatch: In one of the more interesting Sweet 16 match-ups, Grochowalski of the men’s basketball team takes on Sasquatch, best known for his wild disrobing at BU hockey games. Grochowalski’s basketball skills may be the difference in this one, though Sasquatch has never been known to let up in a fight.

No. 4 Barbara Green vs. No. 13 Alison Dixon: This is truly a match-up of competitors with incredible range. While Dixon, a member of the women’s basketball team, can hit jumpers from almost any spot on the court, Green can sing the National Anthem in 14 different key signatures. Green and Dixon are well aware of each other’s range, as Green sings the National Anthem before every one of Dixon’s home games.

No. 6 Section 8 vs. No. 11 Sally Starr: In this match-up, Section 8 of Walter Brown Arena will send one of its louder fans to take on first round opponent Sally Starr. Starr, current coach of the BU field hockey team, spent time at the helm of the women’s basketball team back in its heyday, so expect a close game.

No. 3 Alan Weinberger vs. No. 14 Chrissy Lombard: Neither of these competitors is known for missing much of anything. Entering her senior year, Lombard holds nearly every women’s lacrosse scoring record, and with her nine goals last weekend, rarely misses the net. Weinberger, BU’s assistant athletic director for facilities, never misses a Terrier home game and has a keen eye for spotting and removing “obscene” fans from sporting events. Should Weinberger get by Lombard, a potential second round match-up between Section 8 and Weinberger is rather intriguing.

No. 6 Joe Wright vs. No. 11 Carl Corazzini: As BU’s pep band leader, Wright is used to avoiding the limelight and leading America’s best band in song while BU’s best athletes battle it out. Now, Wright finds himself in the spotlight taking on one of BU’s elite: BU hockey captain Carl Corazzini. Expect a dogfight.

No. 2 Deidre Enos vs. No. 15 Kirk Miller: Miller enters the Sweet 16 as perhaps the only competitor with Final Four experience. As a member of the University of Maryland’s soccer team, Miller helped lead the Terps to a Final Four appearance in 1998. Enos holds nearly every BU women’s soccer scoring record. Should things work out, a Lombard/Enos Final Four match-up looms on the horizon.

You have the seedings, now it’s time to be heard. Should any of these match-ups intrigue you enough to state your opinion, you can do so in a number of ways, and your input may affect the outcomes of the games. I am accepting e-mail suggestions at BURivals@hotmail.com and you can also log on to the Daily Free Press website to post your thoughts on the message boards. And if you’re a competitor, feel free to plead your own case through this e-mail address as well. I will listen to all sides. Don’t let the opportunity to help crown BU’s Terrier Insanity on Tuesday slip away.

Let the Insanity begin!