Earth Day is tomorrow, and we urge the Boston University campus to go out and celebrate. Hug a tree. Pull a body from the river. Sing a song about the sun.
We here at the ol’ Free Press are gonna celebrate in our own way. We care about the air and the water, but we really love one thing: grass.
Yeah, grass. On this lovely April 20th, we could really use some. All of our friends love it. They practically roll around in it. Sometimes, we like to pick some up, throw it in a plastic bag, put it in our pockets and save it for later, so everyone we know can enjoy it with us.
Yeah, we sure love our grass. Unfortunately, we don’t have too much of it. We’ve searched every corner of the city for just a little bit of grass. It’s become an addiction.
Maybe we should go to UMass-Amherst. We hear they’ve got enough grass to last a lifetime, not to mention a huge contract with Cheetos. Rumor has it, they’ve got their grass packed in like freshmen in a Warren Towers elevator. They might as well call it U“Grass.”
It’s perfect, although apparently they have a problem with an inexplicable fog that has prompted professors to cancel classes in favor of protesting “the man” and his total disregard for the welfare of American soldiers in Vietnam.
On the other hand, Amherst is awfully far away. So, let’s plant the seeds right here. Let’s grow our own top-of-the-line grass and have a luscious green love-in. Yeah. That’d be dank.
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