Intramural games starting to go soft

Spring is upon us here at BU, which means a few things: a bombardment of Gucci and Armani sunglasses, the five days of nice weather we get each year and intramural softball. Well, Gucci and Armani have made their presence felt and we’ve had a couple of nice days, which happened to fall on Open House

Days (of course), tricking incoming students into believing the weather in Boston is actually nice. But, this year, there was no intramural softball.

There was no chance for me to show my feline quickness and Keith Hernandez-like ability to scoop balls out of the dirt. There was no chance for Team Walter Sobchak to claim the intramural title.

Who, you ask?

Team Walter Sobchak, named after the lovable Vietnam vet in “The Big Lebowski,” is a collection of misfits from Warren Towers, 14A.

We boasted a curly-haired shortstop, a ski-cap wearing pitcher, an Israeli behind the plate and a third baseman with power in his bat, but who had a little trouble throwing to first on occasion.

Our championship run was derailed in the championship game by a collection of professors from the science department. I swear to God, we lost to astronomers, archaeologists and physicists, one of whom was a 60-year-old lady who caught every line drive in sight.

So, we lost and were subsequently accused of stealing free T-shirts by the BUPD. That was interesting. But to make a long story short, only the winning team gets T-shirts. If you lose in the championship and take a shirt, you will be placed against a fence by six BU cops and verbally abused.

With that behind us, we were ready to take the title this year. We had a year of experience and knew how to win in pressure situations. We were hungry. The scientists didn’t stand a chance.

Then we found out a new field is being built for the Boston Breakers, a team in the new women’s soccer league. The new field would be perfect for a team like ours, which had a great combination of speed and power.

Then the beautiful Boston weather took over. Repeated snow and rain storms pushed back the completion of the field, thereby delaying the season. Of course, there were no Open Houses on these miserable days.

We finally got word the season was cancelled. If we still had the old field, the season would have been played easily. Last year, almost every game was played in the rain. But because of the Boston Breakers, there will be no intramural softball season. I hope all three women’s soccer fans are pleased.

In a related story, this women’s soccer league will undoubtedly fail. Not because they are women, but because it is soccer. Americans do not care about soccer, especially after the age of eight, when they discover there are sports such as basketball, football and baseball. Soccer players score as often as A.C. Green, while basketball and football players tally scores closer to Wilt Chamberlain. The league is trying to cash in on popularity from the 1998 World Cup, but it won’t happen. Americans will watch anything over a two-week period. They watch speed skating and track and field during the Olympics, but you can’t drag a sports fan to a track and field event in between those four years.

Sure, some might watch the first week, but then they will realize they would have more fun watching test patterns. And just like the XFL, all the hype in the world won’t be able to save a boring game.

Congratulations Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain. You have crushed a young boy’s dream of winning an intramural championship. There will be no opportunity to relive my childhood glory and pretend once again that I am an athlete. There will be no T-shirts for Team Walter Sobchak this year, but we’ll be back next year, hungrier than ever. The only person I shed a tear for is the curly-haired shortstop, who is graduating this year and won’t get to share in our inevitable victory next year.

The desire to play baseball this year will have to be satisfied at the BU Beach, where we will attempt to navigate a sea of sunglasses and cell phones. I can’t help but look out onto the new Nickerson turf and think about what might have been. You never know in sports when your next opportunity will come. Everyone thought the Fab Five would win at least one title, but it didn’t happen. Early NBA defections hurt their chances of ever winning.

Last year we were a collection of freshmen and sophomores, full of hope and

promise. One lost title game and one cancelled season later, we are looking

at only one more chance for glory. One more shot at the belt.

And to the team we beat for the title next year, you DO NOT get T-shirts.

Those only go to the winners.