‘MPERSAND: 2/15/02

Back in 1845, Boston University School of Theology student Horatio Andersen approached fellow student Amelia Linden with a proposition.

“Greetings, puddin’,” he said. “Perchance would you like to join me in the library of our fine educational institution and fornicate until we have satisfied our animal urges to complete said act?”

“Sure — as long as our carnal deeds are somewhat secreted,” responded Amelia, bosom heaving.

And thus began the long history of public acts of indecency that occur at BU. Well, that’s what we here at the ol’ Free Press believe.

Nowadays, sex-starved college kids stave off visits to fat camp and flaccid muscles with intense calorie-burning explicit acts in public places. Take, for example, the Burger King parking lot — the home of the Whopper (come on; couldn’t you see that coming?). Off the record, we know of one particular couple that enjoyed much more than a value meal in a black Jeep Liberty. Keep those french fries coming, kids.

And Horatio and Amelia aren’t the only ones to get it on in a school building. The Evergreen Program office comes to mind. We love you, Norma. Thank you for the best five hours of our lives. Tell the grandkids we said hi.

Speaking of perfect segues, how about Chancellor John Silber’s house? It’s not exactly a public place, but how can you not mention his private champagne room as one of the sexiest places on campus? (Note: the champagne room may or may not exist. We just think our friend Doug’s crayon schematics of the Chancellor’s house — including one damn sexy midget hidden in a closet — are cooler than your Harley-riding uncle and, therefore, must be accurate.)

But what about those who like it rough?

Why not rough it in the tent city next to the BU Bridge? When the trains go by, no one will hear your screams, so just let the BU bum do his work. Then congratulate him on the completion of his horror movie and help him pick up those last few soda cans.