A couple weeks ago, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft capped off a press conference by singing a song. We’re not kidding. He sang a little ditty called “Let the Eagles Soar,” a tune he wrote himself. Gene Kelly, he ain’t.
Still, we here at the ol’ Free Press felt a little twinge in our hearts. It was most likely our “I spent three summers in fat camp and now I’m rebelling like a porky James Dean” diet of cheeseburgers and pizza, but we’ll pretend it was emotion or something. We were so disturbed — er, touched — we decided to sit down and sketch the framework of a few songs that will soon be released on the DFP greatest hits album: “Songs That for Some Strange Reason Sound Good at 3 a.m.”
The first track is inspired by Ashcroft’s number. It’s called, “Let the Terrier Nip at the Heels of an Uppity Businessman.” The song is meant to chronicle the legendary career of the BU mascot, the Terrier. Who can forget that glorious period when our mascot looked like a stray cat on speed? It begs for a tribute.
A couple of middling tracks later, we reach, “I Would Kill Somebody for a Box of Chupa Chups … Seriously … See, I Told You So.” There’s nothing like the leakage of brains on the sidewalk to help satisfy both your bloodlust AND your lollipop lust. Mmmm … strawberries and brain.
Three-quarters of the way through the album, your eardrums will rupture to the tune of “Holy Crap, the T Just Ran Me Over.” We’re pounding out those riffs, and just like the T drivers, we don’t stop.
Closing out the album, we have “Squeak, Chirp, Squeak: A Tale of Disease, Sharp Teeth and an Unfortunate Kid from Zanzibar.” This track is dedicated to the rats, squirrels and other rodents wandering around campus. In fact, it is composed entirely of portions of a recording of a massive pack of rats devouring a freshman outside of Danielsen Hall.
Enjoy!
This is an account occasionally used by the Daily Free Press editors to post archived posts from previous iterations of the site or otherwise for special circumstance publications. See authorship info on the byline at the top of the page.
