Jeremy Shockey needs to get punched in the mouth.
Ooh, so violent. I love it.
Maybe Jim Fassel could do it; or Rick Fox and Doug Christie could take turns.
Either way, Shockey has to get decked because he keeps running his mouth. A week ago, the New York Football Giants’ rookie tight end informed Howard Stern that he wouldn’t have been able to handle having a gay teammate at the University of Miami. Bam! Punch in the mouth.
He followed that up just a few days ago by telling WFAN radio that the Philadelphia Eagles secondary, which, according to ESPN, has allowed two gains of 32 yards or more, is not so good at covering the deep ball. Huh? I realize Jeremy is too busy on Sundays to watch Philadelphia Eagles games, but does the man ever get into the film room? Whap! Punch in the mouth.
Shockey (from here on known as “The Kid”) is already getting too big for his britches, and we’re only seven games into the season. He’s got big muscles, pretty-boy blonde hair and a mouth like a cannon. Smack! Pow! Crunch!
Some people will tell you there’s nothing wrong with what The Kid does. He plays hard, they say. He just gets really fired up, they say. He does his job. Pfffffft! So what?
I don’t care that The Kid is fifth among tight ends in receiving yards or that his mere presence helps open up the Giants offense by occupying a defensive player who would otherwise be used to double-team either Ike Hilliard or Amani Toomer. I don’t care that The Kid seemingly oozes glue through the skin on his hands or that he backed up his words by catching six passes for 65 yards against the Eagles. His loud mouth is pulling him closer to the cliff. A good punch in the mouth would fix that.
You see, throughout the history of time, punches in the mouth have turned back those who have gone too far. Napoleon would have taken over all of Europe had he not been punched in the mouth at Waterloo. Bill Gates nearly controlled the entire computer market before getting punched in the mouth.
Some current candidates for punches in the mouth: Christina Aguilera and George W. Bush.
Back in the football world, we’ve seen what has happened with the presence or absence of punches in the mouth.
Randy Moss obviously has not been punched in the mouth yet, probably because Vikings Head Hoach Mike Tice is the biggest softy this side of Baby Huey. Moss still takes plays off, still openly argues with teammates on the sideline and still has all of his teeth.
Terrell Owens on the other hand, has eaten his knuckle sandwich. He’s still flamboyant, but he keeps himself in control by not running to midfield to do the Electric Slide every time he scores a touchdown. San Francisco Coach Steve Mariucci says he and Owens improved their communication. That must be West Coast-ian for “I punched his lights out.”
It’s time Jim Fassel learned to speak West Coast-ian. He has to stop The Kid from shooting his mouth off and then backing it up on the field that Sunday. I’m telling you, one swift knock in the choppers will settle it. It’s not like he’ll get what’s coming to him otherwise. The John Rocker example of blabbering too much and being intolerant and then going down in flames because of the pressure and attention he drew to himself won’t work here. I mean, it’s not like The Kid is a media magnet like Rocker is.
And while we’re doling out punches in the mouth, why doesn’t someone give me one before this joke gets old.
A Couple of Unrelated Items:
I would expect Sean Fields to start just about every game in goal, especially Hockey East games. The only exceptions I envision are the three games against the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and perhaps a couple of games where he’s too tired to start. The reason: freshman Stephan Siwiec needs to improve his ability to play against the better teams in Hockey East (who are all stronger this year than in years past). A season watching Fields and working hard in practice should help a lot.
What happened to the men’s soccer team that beat Connecticut? Have the Terriers been struggling recently because the America East is that good or because they aren’t really taking their opponents seriously?
Tonight’s home game against the University of Hartford should be a major indicator.
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