Yasser Arafat, Treasury Secretary

George W. finally decided to oust Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill, affirming the commonly held belief we might have been better off with the former Yankees outfielder than the O’Neill he chose. At least that Paul O’Neill was a winner! So, now there’s railroad executive John W. Snow. But did Dubya think too domestically? Would Ken Lay not return his calls? After all, Lay does know his way around the White House. And he’s great with people! But, should GWB have gone global in finding the right man to handle the economy? For instance, what about Palestinian Authority head Yasser Arafat? He’s a saver. He’s got so many billions stowed away that you just know that next Ramadan the Palestinians are going to get the coolest gift. Probably one of those Christmas Hess trucks. The ones with the lights and the sound effects. Yasser will probably wait too long to get his Ramadan shopping done. Where does one fit in shopping when you have so many lies to tell, bombings to plan, murders to celebrate. You don’t get his credentials by spending hours at the mall sipping on an Orange Julius browsing the Hot Topic. He’ll end up getting his people one of those “The Ten Reasons My Ramadan Gift Is Late” cards and they’ll say, “Oh, Yasser, you’re so cute and cuddly. We don’t mind.” But Yasser will insist on going to KB to get them the trucks. And you just know they’ll be out of stock and the Palestinians will have to wait until next year to see any hint of Yasser’s spoils. “The Jews,” he’ll tell them. “This is all because of the Jews.” They’ll nod their heads and smile. But, at least, you know Yasser won’t go spending all your money on junk like socks, ugly ties, the new Christina CD, food, homes, medicine, you know, all that stuff nobody wants.

Timothy Aaron COM ’01 (818) 990-6747 nyktim@aol.com