‘MPERSAND

Last night’s Terrier Idol competition was a good idea. The problem is, it didn’t go far enough. Musical ability is far too narrow a field, and what about our faculty and administrators who are talented in other capacities? That’s why we here at the ol’ Free Press think there should be a broader sequel – Terrier Idol: Administrative Edition. Let’s meet the judges!

To appreciate those brave enough to get on stage, a Paula Abdul-type ‘nice judge’ is in order. Mee Chow might make a mean sandwich, but she’ll always have a kind word for participants, no matter how awful.

The bland middle judge is more difficult. Who says the same non-committal thing every day? Obviously, a Warren Towers security guard.

Of course, the Terrier Idol’s witheringly critical judge is obvious – the original Dean of Mean, Chancellor John Silber. Silber would send Simon off crying in his crumpets with the cant of Kant, just like he would the contenders.

But what a line-up it could be! First, Brent Baker and Marilyn Root duet on Cher’s ‘I Got You, Babe,’ complete with PowerPoint presentation. Baker’s microphone will give out halfway through the performance, however, disqualifying the duo. Rhett will attempt to jump through the holes in Boston College’s defense, but will accidentally run into a very, very annoyed Jerry York.

Ex-president Jon Westling will perform his Amazing Vanishing Man act, assisted by Richard DeWolfe. However, the Board of Trustees will one-up him by making the entire endowment disappear. Their encore juggling presidential candidates, however, fails to cut the mustard with Mee Chow.

So who wins? The final entry, the Allston nude swimmer, is actually not affiliated with BU. However, he is able to embiggen the endowment, and that makes even Silber smile. His prize? An NEA grant, a position with the Trustees – and a towel.