The Red Sox will begin play in Fenway Park next week, but we here at the ol’ Free Press can’t help but wonder: why haven’t our backyard neighbors been annexed by Boston University? BU used to let the Dead Sox play at Nickerson Field; just imagine what the university could do as the team’s owner.
First off, forget Theo. John Silber will be running the somnolent Sox from now on. With Jon Westling as his faithful ball boy, he’ll ensure no Red Sox runner makes it past second base during night games. And while he will retain those big names like Pedro and Nomar, Silber will fill the rest of the team with one-year contract mercenaries from various minor league teams. These ‘adjunct’ players might not add to future teams, but they sure play for cheap, don’t they?
Silber will also lend his insight to the current remodeling of fabled Fenway Park. The Green Monster will receive not additional seating areas, but extra dormorities. In addition, the bleachers behind home plate will be replaced with canary yellow fiberglass benches, which will of course necessitate further construction and redecoration. At least fans won’t be able to sneak into unpaid seats after BU is done installing security guards and card swipers at every section.
However, they will get to enjoy all the fuzzy PAX they can take on the Jumbotron, and Fenway Franks will taste far more succulent once Mee Chow gets her hands on them.
Regardless of how much John Silber could do for the Red Sox, fans’ hopes will still remain far too high as they have for the past 85 years. Once Jerry York takes the reins, those ‘very, very’ good Yankees will yet again keep BU’s Red Sox mired in the second tier.
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