Don’t date Tad Hamilton

Could any movie possibly carry less romantic tension than Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!? This dreary romantic comedy seems designed to make only the most soft-headed CosmoGirl readers weak in the knees.

Kate Bosworth plays Rosalee, a West Virginia supermarket checkout girl who enters a contest to spend a night on the town with the eponymous movie star (Josh Duhamel), a hard-drinking hunk whose tabloid proclivities are costing him serious parts. (He’s sort of a cross between Ashton Kutcher and Colin Farrell, minus any hint of personality.)

Enchanted by his corn-fed fan, Tad ditches Hollywood and moves to West Virginia, provoking the jealousy of Rosalee’s best friend Pete (Topher Grace), who’s apparently loved her all along.

Directed by Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde) with a shiny, over-lit visual style that makes everyone look like they’re made of orange spray-painted fiberglass, Win a Date With Tad Hamilton! forgets to make fun of Hollywood shallowness or small-town naïveté. It’s too busy watching its characters get all dewy-eyed over each other.

The film huffs and puffs in its efforts to convince us that Pete belongs with Rosalee, but he really seems like a better match for either the wisecracking sidekick (Boston University grad Ginnifer Goodwin) or the sage bartender (Kathryn Hahn) who longs for him. It doesn’t seem to realize that Grace, whose wry lines are the only reason to see the film, develops more chemistry with both of these actresses than he does with blonde-of-the-month Bosworth, who’s strictly dullsville. Alas, Goodwin and Hahn aren’t as skinny and therefore don’t get the guy.

Sean Hayes and Nathan Lane struggle to amuse themselves as Tad’s manager and agent, both named Richard Levy (almost funny, but no). Only Gary Cole, as Rosalee’s desperate-to-be-cool father (“Have her home before dawn, and no cocaine, eh?”) wins laughs without strain.