Off the Post A 9-part series you can watch again and again

I have finally completed a quest that would make even Frodo jealous. With last Friday’s game at Northeastern, I’ve been to every arena in Hockey East. Sure, it might not have been as challenging as finding my way to Mount Doom, but it certainly wasn’t easy.

It all began a long time ago at an arena not so far away – Boston College’s Kelley Rink at Conte Forum. It was a bit of an auspicious beginning, thanks to a 90-foot wrister beating Sean Fields for the BC win. It was my experience in this building that caused me to realize that everything about Boston College is inherently evil and will always suck, no matter what proof exists to show otherwise. The fact the BU is 0-3 there in my two years as a fan has no bearing on my judgment.

Things improved little the following week, as the University of New Hampshire’s Whittemore Center was the next stop. No tickets? No problem. Even though the country folk will tell ya that scalpers don’t exist, just look around for the nicest scalpers on the planet. For a $19 ticket, you’ll get change for your $20.

As much as I don’t like New Hampshire or its fans, the “Whit” is an amazing arena that’s always full – it’s not like there’s much else going on in the Granite State. If it weren’t in New Hampshire, it would really be a great place to spend a couple of hours.

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any more boring than New Hampshire, you take the commuter rail to Lowell. I think we passed the National Textile Museum on our walk to the arena. And we found a laptop buried in the snow – it’s a pretty sketchy place.

For Lowell games, Tsongas Arena is as nice as it is boring. When a camera man tells you he needs to make three of you look like 30,000, you realize just how pathetic the place is. It’s even worse when it’s mind-numbing hockey, as it was earlier this year. It’s kind of like a having a lecture in Morse Auditorium, except the seats aren’t quite as comfortable. Chuck-a-puck is definitely the highlight of a trip to Lowell.

Does anyone else feel like they’ve spent way too much time at Providence’s Schneider Arena? I suppose it is our home away from home for a reason, as we proved during the quarterfinals of the Hockey East Tournament. Dancing in the aisles as Chris Parks and the band rocked the Schneid? Incredible.

While the hockey might not be so great at Walter Brown South, there are other forms of entertainment. It’s fun to laugh at that annoying guy who shadow boxes. And you have to love the song selection on the PA system. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” while Mark Mullen argues a call? Classic. It can even be fun dealing with the intoxicated Providence fans, if you’re in the right mood. The female fans at Providence are top-notch as well. But don’t look forward to a hot dog if it’s Friday during lent. And make sure you catch the train home.

Then it was off on the expedition to the best arena in the league (outside of Walter Brown, of course). Maine’s Alfond Arena has more character than any other venue I’ve seen. It’s the Michael Jackson of buildings, having been expanded in almost every way possible, from having walls knocked out to having levels of seats put above other levels of seats.

The Maine fans are great. They’re nice, (which is more than you can say about most places) and it’s apparent that they just love hockey. It’s especially apparent when the Black Bears score a goal, as the entire arena goes absolutely insane. It’s just a great arena with a great atmosphere and a fun team to watch. Too bad it’s four hours away – that kind of puts a damper on the excitement.

There’s not a whole lot to say about Merrimack’s Lawler Arena. It has to be the worst Division I facility (if it isn’t, I don’t know what is). If you can imagine flooding the basketball court at “The Roof” and then playing hockey on it, you’ve pretty much nailed it.

The Merrimack fans are equally pathetic. Lacking anything of their own to cheer about, they resort to chants such as “Beanpot Losers” and signs showing their support for Ryan Murphy. Think some people might be a little jealous they weren’t invited? I do admit that I’m a fan of the horn that sounds for every Merrimack goal. It’s annoying as hell, but a nice touch.

I entered the Mullins Center at UMass-Amherst anxious to be entertained by intoxicated college kids, and left with an unnatural love for Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll, Part Two.” I can’t really explain it. And a free mullet-wig giveaway during the New Hampshire game? That’s probably the greatest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

Joe Rouse, a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences, is a weekly sports columnist for The Daily Free Press.

This weekend, the quest finally ended at Northeastern’s historic Matthews Arena. I’ve heard good things about the place, but apparently the Huskies were on Spring Break this weekend, so the Dog House wasn’t out in full force. And is it just me, or does “Dog House” sound really dumb? I was deeply touched by the way the student section carries on the “Hey Song” even after the band stops playing. There’s just something about that song.

In the end, I realized that I’ve actually accomplished very little. I’ve logged countless hours packed in a car like a sardine, spent much more money than I should have, endured the disaster that is a New Hampshire fan and many, many more horrors that I shouldn’t even speak of. For what? To cheer on a hockey team?

The sad part is that I would do it all again, and most likely will.