The Muse: The Red Sox won the World Series; the Patriots won 3 Super Bowls. How fair is it now to expect the Boston University football team to go all the way this year?
Simmons: Wait … BU has a football program?
Muse: In exactly 17 words, tell me about your new book.
Simmons: It’s a collection of my Red Sox columns, presented like a director’s DVD cut (with my commentary).
Muse: Do you follow the Crusaders of Holy Cross like you do your professional teams?
Simmons: I follow the men’s hoops team – all the other sports programs have been ravaged. We used to have an awesome football team when I was there, then we dumped scholarships … now we play schools like Sacred Heart. It’s very depressing. It makes me feel inadequate, like I’m suffering from erectile dysfunction or something.
Muse: If The Daily Free Press and Page 2 (ESPN.com’s hub for sportswriters … and Simmons) were to get in a fight, who would win?
Simmons: America.
Muse: If your book is available in audio format, will you be the one to provide the voice?
Simmons: No, it’s going to be Dikembe Mutombo.
Muse: What are your thoughts on the YES network?
Simmons: Well, I’m still disappointed that it wasn’t a porn network – that would have been a great title for a porn network. But I like how they show old Yankee games, and that Yankeeography show is really good. It’s just that I hate the Yankees, so I try not to watch. But why can’t NESN just rip off that format with the Red Sox? I would love to see a Redsoxography about Rich Garces. That would be riveting.
Muse: In your world of inside jokes, biting sports and social criticism and constant internet-access, what do you make of your cult-like following?
Simmons: I never liked the phrase “cult-like following;” it makes it seem like I’m going to appear on your campus next week, sleep with underage women and ultimately convince everyone to drink poisoned Kool-Aid. With that said, I’m happy that there are people out there who enjoy reading the columns so much – that’s really the only reason I do this for a living. Well, other than my multi-million dollar contract.
Muse: What character on “The OC” is the Sports Gal (his wife) most like?
Simmons: Summer – she’s quirky, stubborn and fun to look at, and she has a really good sense of humor about things. By the way, she told me to say all this.
Muse: With Boston sports so successful in past years, maybe it’s time to focus your time and energy on the Dodgers, Clippers, Kings and New Orleans Saints of Los Angeles. Thoughts?
Simmons: I’m TRYING with the Clippers – doing my best. Eventually I want to end up like the sports version of Michael Landon in “Highway To Heaven,” traveling from city to city and changing the course of franchises in a neat, tidy one-hour episode. Although my hair would never look quite as good.
– Bill Simmons will be appearing at the BU Barnes ‘ Noble Friday at 5 p.m. to discuss his new book.
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