Oh, that Boston College. Students from our rival to the west have announced a new television show about a Boston University student who steals cars and is then taken into Eagleland by Jesuit Priests. Guess what it’s called … that’s right, “The BC.” How original.
So we here at the ol’ Free Press think we can do it one better. Ladies and gentlemen, here’s our pilot episode for “The BU,” about a BC student who needs a little “straightening out.”
Our BC hero, let’s call him Bryan Hatwood, is arrested for stealing the one thing his university always seems to lack … the Beanpot trophy. Luckily, Dean of Students Kenneth Elmore takes him in and welcomes him to the wonderful world of BU, and bowties. Elmore doesn’t have a pool house, but he gives Bryan Hamilton House, where he’s forced to adjust to a life of iPods, Aviator sunglasses and Ugg Boots.
Mr. Hatwood soon finds that life has its advantages at BU. Meet Kira “Marissa” Klapper, the popular (778 friends to be exact) heroine of our school. Klapper takes an attraction to Hatwood, and Facebook is buzzing with excitement about this new relationship.
But evil lurks nearby, in the form of Carl “Luke” Woog. Remember him? We don’t either, he’s still around, and Hatwood has become Woog’s No. 1 target. Woog finds a crony of his, Jon Marker, to take care of him. In a heated climax behind Marsh Plaza, Marker exclaims, “Welcome to the BU Beach, friend!” and hands him a flower. Marker was never one for confrontations.
Will Hatwood survive the mean inner-city streets of Commonwealth Avenue? Will Daniel Goldin-Cooper find justice for stealing his clients’ cash? Will anybody care? Tune in next week to find out!
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