The women. The myths. The legends. “The Gilmore Girls”: Season Five. Welcome to Stars Hollow, Conn., an ancient small town directly out of 1955. Antique storefronts, Victorian homes and familiar faces have come to define the town. Everyone is quirky, approachable, white and typecast.
The first episode of season five opens with Rory (Alexis Bledel), the hot but cutesy blue-eyed intellectual, basking in post-sex glory with hunky ex-boyfriend Dean (Jared Padalecki). Their sappy awkwardness becomes even more repulsive when Rory insists upon making the “Candy Land” song their theme. Apparently adorable, Rory bobs her small head while singing along in an infantile voice. Can you feel the bile rising? No one sounds like that after puberty. Please take hormones, Rory.
The audience soon discovers that Dean is … married! So, it looks as if Rory isn’t so perfect after all (spiteful undertones). The home wrecker ultimately breaks up the marriage and then dates the adulterer. On a less shameful note, Lorelai (Lauren Graham) begins dating long-time friend Luke (Scott Patterson), owner of the local diner. Their budding relationship is slightly less nauseating than Rory and Dean’s. Lorelai does not hide her obnoxiousness as her daughter does. Instead, she is blatantly rude, awkward and sarcastic.
While Rory is cast as a smart, independent teenager, she repeatedly defies these characteristics. First, she always seems to be in a relationship of some sorts. Second, she is always home. Rory drives to “hang” with her mom at least once a week. They even went on a double date. Their disturbing relationship seems more like a girlfriend bond than a mother-daughter relationship.
Rory’s actual friend Lane (Keiko Agena) falls into the category with Screech Powers, Jan Brady and Kimmy Gibbler – the meek sidekick whose sole existence is to support the prettier, smarter character. Poor Lane stays in Stars Hollow waiting tables and drumming in a band until Rory comes back to town, stealing whatever thunder she was able to muster.
Season five took us on a tumultuous, but wholesome ride (Rory gets laid, yet never boozes up). The WB has once again released an appallingly addictive season filled with love, pancakes and adulterous sex. To the Gilmore gals: You made us laugh; you made us cry; you even made us throw up in our mouths a few times.
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