Take it or leave it, religion plays a large role in today’s society, whether it is affecting international politics or the supply and demand of pork products in certain communities. Because of its importance, I have taken it upon myself, in the most self-deprecating and laborious way possible, to relate to the Boston University community the world of dogma and belief.
Every week, I am going to convert to a new faith and report back here my experiences. Now, I won’t try to kid you, it’s going to be a painful process. Due to wide-spread ignorance and stupidity, there will be those who will misunderstand the purpose of my reports and insist that I am mocking a very serious subject. Let me state upfront, there is nothing funny about religion.
Except, of course, the funny parts. And, there are many funny things in religion: Jewish comedians, Pat Robertson, Buddy Jesus and rubbing Buddha’s belly. But don’t let me get sidetracked here. I’ll bring the best along with the worst in all of my exposés. The humorous will come along with the serious.
I was raised Roman Catholic, so this entire situation of converting to another religion for the sake of spreading knowledge and understanding leaves me feeling a bit . . . guilty. Then again, being a Catholic often leaves me feeling penitent. With that sentiment imbedded, I decided to convert to another religion filled with guilt-ridden tendencies: Judaism!
Though our mothers often tore at our consciences, we Jews are a proud people. Still, we are not without a bit of humility. I mean, walking through the desert for 40 years will make you bow your head a little. And you know, being controlled by the Romans and all, it teaches you not to think so highly of yourself. Then again, we’re Chosen. You’re not.
“Nick,” you ask, “what makes you Jewish?” You continue with your futile argument, “I know a lot of people who claim to be a Jew, but not religiously a Jew, surely you can’t expect us to believe you converted your ethnicity as well!”
Ohh, ye of little faith! I do not jump head-first into the lion’s den without asking questions, that’s Daniel’s job. Let me recount a little conversation I had with a fellow Jew last weekend.
Shlomo and I were sitting at a bagel shop eating our poppy seed bagels with lox and cream cheese when I asked him all about the Jewish faith. He often interjected Yiddish phrases during our talk. Apparently, in some way, shape or form, all the commandments given to Moses up on the mountain are designed toward helping the Jewish guys become attractive to the Jewish and non-Jewish girls. Not to brag or anything, but ever since I converted, I have been getting a lot more glances from the females on campus. It could also be that I’m not supposed to be dressed like Moses, but hey, I like holding a staff. Why wouldn’t I want to constantly hold a long, phallic object?
The thing that Shlomo wanted me to understand, and that I am trying to convey to you all here today, is that the rules which God gave to his chosen people, were all beneficial for them. It isn’t about silly superstitions or dogmatic practices meant to keep people obeying leaders. The Jewish faith is about observing rules that promote proper hygiene, moral conduct and treating one’s fellow man well.
Nicholas Shaman, a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at shaman@bu.edu
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