I don’t care how many people think Freud is a genius — I do not want to have sex with my mom. It’s my mom, for God’s sake. Do you have any idea how gross that sounds?
I know about this Oedipus complex brouhaha, and just because one Greek dude gave it to his mom a few thousand years ago doesn’t mean all dudes want to sleep with the woman who brought them into this world. If Freud were still alive, I would slap that creep for even bringing the idea up.
Now, I’m not saying I don’t want to have sex with someone else’s mom. That’s fine, perhaps even encouraged. There’s certainly no complex about that. There are plenty of moms out there I would pursue, especially my buddy Jake’s mom. Jake’s mom is hot. But the question is, does Jake think his mom is hot?
It isn’t only guys, either. Girls allegedly want their dads in the worst way, too. If this were true, not only would a guy want to have sex with his mom, but his mom would want to have sex with his grandpa. And ladies, can you imagine your dad wanting to have sex with your grandma? No, me neither. You know who can imagine it, and did? Sigmund Freud.
Freud had a daughter. She ended up following him in his line of work, and became an expert in psychoanalysis. Did she accept her dad’s philosophy? More creepily, did Freud live his whole life believing his daughter wanted to love-jump him? That means that at some point in is his life, Freud looked at his daughter and thought, “Man, oh man, is my daughter sexually attracted to me on a subconscious level, or what? Seriously, I can tell . . . she wants me bad.”
Freud asserts that we don’t just want to have sex with our parents, but it’s our ultimate secret sexual desire, even surpassing threesomes and celebrities. Once you bed your mom, it’s all downhill from there. Siggy thinks getting with your mom is simply the awesomest thing you can do in the bedroom. Once you do that, all who’s left to conquest are women who aren’t your mom, and according to Freud, that sucks.
To put your mom at the top of your list of ideal partners is pretty sick if you ask me, secret subconscious list or otherwise. Not only is my mom not #1 on my list of desirable women, but she’s not on the list, and my list is hundreds of thousands of women long. I don’t have another private list where she’s #1, either. My mom makes no list. She is simply my mom.
When I first heard about this Oedipus complex I was very confused. “Is this true?” I asked myself. Should I be thinking about my mother that kind of way? I never had before, and the idea of it all made me vomit in my mouth a little bit. I mean, I love my mom very much, but not like that . . .
I knew I needed answers, so I called my older brother, Nate. I only had one question, and I knew he would give it to me straight.
“Hey, Nate, what’s up?” I said.
“Oh, you know, not much,” Nate replied.
“So, have you ever fantasized about having sex with Mom?”
“No!” Nate immediately yelled into the receiver. “What the [expletive] kind of question is that? That’s our [expletive] mom! Aw, I just vomited in my mouth a little bit.”
“Thanks, dude. That’s all I needed to hear,” I said, hanging up the phone.
I could tell from my brother’s reaction that I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about my mother sexually, and that made me happy.
To add more to the Oedipus ridiculousness, Freud says I am subconsciously forever jealous of my dad because he got with my mom, and I secretly think that’s awesome. His successful wooing of my mom will make me look up to him for the rest of my life.
Yes, I look up to my dad, but I can honestly say it has never been for those reasons. I ask my dad for advice when I know he knows more than me about a certain topic. I’ve never asked my dad for advice on how to get with Mom, and if I was at all serious, I’m sure he’d probably be the best person to give me tips.
Personally, I think the whole Oedipus complex idea should be thrown out. Let’s hold on to the good stuff Freud did and forget the whole “I want to do my mom, she wants to do her dad” thing. I know I’m probably simplifying his theories a tad, and perhaps I’m extrapolating a little too much out of this idea, and that’s fair.
With that said, however, I don’t think anyone can deny that Freud wanted to have sex with his mom, and made up a complex about it so people wouldn’t think he’s a freak.
Zack Poitras, a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at zpoitras@bu.edu.
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