It looks as if more than wild turkeys are giving police trouble in Brookline. Unreasonable students disturbing the peace by sitting on their stoops at night and gardening by day have rightfully been arrested by the Brookline Police Department. We here at the ol’ Free Press got a tip there was going to be a protest, so we checked it out. Here’s the play-by-play.
10:30 p.m. — A handful of students gather on Egmont Street, but not everyone is present. Five minutes later, CGS students call and say they are waiting for the kegger to begin in Brooklyn.
10:45 p.m. — President Brown unexpectedly reports he is on his way, but moments later is spotted passing “Go” and collecting $1.8 billion.
11:03 p.m. — A BU Shuttle veers off the road and wipes out six students.
11:12 p.m. — BU’s “Funniest Student” Damon Davidson tries to rally the crowd with an original speech he has titled “I Have a Dream.”
11:23 p.m. — Representatives from the new Einstein Bros. Bagels make a much-anticipated trip to show their support by offering free sandwiches and coffee. The food is somehow overpriced and not as good as the students expected.
11:30 p.m. — Students report no Brookline residents have called the police. They suspect the residents are observing the Sabbath and are forbidden to use phones.
12:01 a.m. — BUPD gets a tip that Brookline PD are coming to arrest the students. In an unprecedented move, Chief Robbins tries to alert the students by using the Send Word Now system. The students are arrested and receive awkward voicemail messages the next day.
12:38 a.m. — Reporters from The Daily Free Press finally get back to the office to write the eventful story. Unfortunately, there is no room in the paper for the scoop, which has lost its spot to the crossword puzzle.
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