INTERROBANG

Over the past week, we here at the ‘ol Free Press have been helping you decide where you want to live next year by profiling the different living areas on campus. But just as important as deciding where to live is deciding who you want to live with for an entire school year. To help you out, here is our list of which individuals and groups from our news stories would make the worst possible roommates. A list of Roommates Not To Have, if you will.

Just say no to living with . . .

The Allocations Board: Their inability to ration out funding to student groups just goes to show that they would run out of underwear in a week, and then spend the rest of the semester making excuses about it. Ew, no thanks.

The RIAA: If you eat one of their Pop Tarts, they will make you pay their tuition as revenge.
Harvard: It will take them 50 years to move in. Just like their foundations in Allston, ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ they’ll bring in massive cardboard boxes and toss them into the middle of your floor, making it impossible for you to get anything done in your room.

Mike Ross: He’ll never let you have friends over, and will enlist your hallmates to tattle on you to the RA when you dare disobey his will.

Vegetarians: Even with the sorry state of herbivorous dining hall options, their high fiber diets lead to unfortunate bathroom situations. Enough said.

The men’s hockey team: They score frequently and have two-man advantages aplenty. Worse yet, your whole hall will be cheering them on all the way to the end.

These are dark days for the double-occupancy dorm room dweller, but don’t worry, we’ve found you the perfect roommate! If you room with us, the FreeP, at least we won’t be around to bother you on Fridays, though you may want to take into consideration our nocturnal lifestyle and unwavering love for Lady Gaga before you make a final decision.