The bill to ban texting while driving in Massachusetts advanced further along in the Statehouse this week, and we here at the ol’ Free Press lamented all the 140-character poetry that is sure to be lost in static when the movement becomes law.
Gay Muslims won’t be able to assure Mahmoud Ahmajinedad “OMG, yes we do exist LMFAO.”
ASB volunteers won’t be able to wish their significant others a good night by exclaiming “Wish you were with me last night . . . on a soiled basement floor in a rural Kentucky church beneath a potato sack.”
Noam Chomsky will never lend his insight into the Israel/Palestine conflict with his assertion that “Wait, is this a phone? What is this a . . . is this a pho . . . who are you? Car? What? I’m a talented and scholarly lingui . . . a phone? Really?”
Redstone Film Festival producers would never hype their audience with “And now, for the moment you’ve been waiting for . . . and we’ll see you next year!”
Women suffering from PMS can never explain over iPhone conversation that “THEBACHELORPICKEDTHEWRONGGIRLACTIVIASHOESHURTZODIAC,” to their boyfriends on the way home from hot yoga.
On an unrelated note, the whole of The Daily Free Press staff won’t be able to inform new writers of “THEBACHELORPICKEDTHEWRONGGIRLACTIVIASHOESHURTZODIAC” over a casual BBM session.
This is an account occasionally used by the Daily Free Press editors to post archived posts from previous iterations of the site or otherwise for special circumstance publications. See authorship info on the byline at the top of the page.
