RIESZ: The sex talk

I’ve had relatively little trouble coming up with topics for this sex column. But of course, when it came down to writing the last one I was shooting blanks. So I did what any other person in the world would do – I took to my Facebook status. Believing I had good friends who would only want me to succeed in my journalistic endeavors, I was of the conviction that someone would provide me with the necessary seeds of inspiration. Boy, was I wrong. Suggestions ranged from “dry humping” to “smelling like a baby prostitute” and “the bitchy attitude that virgins have.” I was even provided with a link to an Edward Cullen, um, sex toy – white, sparkling and all. But the overwhelming winner was, for lack of a better phrase, butt action.

Of course, Facebook has turned into a space on the Internet where cynical college students compete to see who can come up with the best witticisms. I should have known I was asking for trouble. Alas, I still had Google. With all the confidence in the world, I typed “sex” into the search bar and narrowed the results to news. After all, writing about sex calls for some timeliness. Page after page was filled with the arrests of sex offenders, interspersed now and then with some worthless gossip: “Khloe Kardashian Talks About Being Pressured into Having Sex at 14” or “‘Breaking Dawn’ Sex Scene Filmed for 12 Hours!” By this point I was ready to start an anti-“Twilight” coalition but I still had no basis for my column.

Finally I came across a DVD review for “The Price of Pleasure: Pornography, Sexuality and Relationships.” It panned a direct-to-video movie that tried to offer some so-called revelations about the sex industry. But what struck me was the combination of those three words. I got to thinking about my Facebook friends, all of whom were unapologetically explicit in their pitches. It seems as though as we get older, exploring sexuality and relationships almost turns into pornography – our uncensored thoughts explode all over the Internet, consequences be damned.

I am thankful for free speech and the (largely) progressive direction America is taking in terms of sex. For the most part, abstinence-only programs can be avoided and parents are opening up to their kids in the face of STIs. On the other hand, I sense a little bit of a lack of respect and responsibility when we talk about sex. That’s something of which we’re all guilty. The question is, is it ok to take sex lightly? Or should we instead avow to appreciate its sacred nature by shutting our mouths?

Obviously, if I say we should take sex lightly, I’d get trashed for being an “ignorant insert-expletive-here columnist who’s been living under a rock” or something equally rude. But saying we should be more respectful would fall on deaf ears. It’s all a balancing game. Making fun of sex is easily misconstrued as obtuse, and while we should be aware of that, poking fun at serious topics is part of our culture.

Unfortunately, this double standard makes it harder for large-scale events such as World Aids Day on Dec. 1 to have a real impact. Upon entering the GSU on Wednesday, I was struck by the sheer number of signs labeled “Free Condoms.” Although there were many volunteers sitting at the link tables handing out information, most seemed preoccupied with other things. The usual wide variety of loud music didn’t help either. My point here is not to diminish their efforts but to highlight the fact that it’s hard for anyone to draw the line between day-to-day humor and humility, even when the latter is blatantly appropriate.

Where to draw that line is something that can only be decided on an individual basis. Hopefully, social change will follow. In the meantime, I’m willing to settle for keeping sex in the general conversation at all. As more and more sex studies reveal themselves in the media, we achieve greater understanding of the huge sexual landscape. For example, an article in The Huffington Post this week offered to bring some light to the issue of infidelity and promiscuity by highlighting research from Binghamton University. It suggests a person’s DNA has something to do with their predisposition toward cheating on a significant other or having a one-night stand. That article might save someone a lot of therapy. If such an article came out in the 50s, it would most likely be discarded as cheap trash, bringing the private world into the public world unnecessarily.

It’s been hard to write about sex for that reason. I personally am of the philosophy that the broad concept of sex is no longer private and should be an open-door thing – if I had my way, Dr. Ruth would have her own big-budget daytime show like Oprah – but not everybody feels that way yet. We’re in that awkward time period where some parents are having the sex talk with their children at age five or six, while others are still not willing to go that far. With so many opposing viewpoints, it’s that much harder for we young adults to have a good grasp on the nature of sex talk. How we talk about it and whom we talk about it to are up for grabs these days.

So can I really blame my friends for suggesting crude things to write about? Not completely. I would be more frustrated if nobody commented on my status at all. Apathy is the worst approach to sex. If somebody really wants to know more about dry humping, well, that’s their prerogative. We just have to realize that sometime in the future, our sex jokes will be out of fashion and unwarranted. All we’ll have left is what we did or didn’t do to propel sex talk into the future.