This week, President Barack Obama announced he would be campaigning for re-election. So we here at the ol’ Free Press pointed out some additional painfully obvious statements.
- In an unpredictable turn of events, Dean Elmore lost all of his hair.
- In a message to BU students, the BUPD said things get stolen when you leave them in public places.
- In the same revelatory message to BU students, the BUPD said it’s not safe to walk around a major city at night.
- In a surprising turnaround, Student Union has reached out to students right before the start of election season.
- In an astounding development, coach Jack Parker is still old and a curmudgeon.
- In a move that stunned the campus, BU Today revealed that the Class of 2015 is EVEN SMARTER, MORE DIVERSE AND HAS BIGGER DICKS THAN THE CLASS BEFORE IT!
- In a shocking development, it was revealed that the April Fools edition of The FreeP was, in fact, a joke.
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