PEARSON: Communication

After a particularly interesting date last weekend, I found myself strangely attracted to someone I don’t usually go for. He was taller than I’m used to, and sort of a skinny, white kid. It’s difficult to explain my usual type, but you could say that, as a guy who was an Abercrombie and Fitch store model in high school, I like my guys with a bit of a six-pack. But that’s not important, at least not for now, because I’m into Alex. So, after the date, and on the walk home from the steps of his Bay State brownstone, I whipped open my phone to text him about a second date.

But I stopped myself. Obviously, this is a violation of the rules of dating, as movies like “He’s Just Not That Into You” teach us. I knew I was supposed to wait two days before calling, but what about a simple “I had a great time, see you soon?” text? Emily Post would shake her head, at least I assume she would, as cell phones and texting didn’t even exist in her day. I rationalized this waiting period as a way to build up excitement for a possible second date. After all, why show my cards at the beginning without raising the stakes a bit first.

This made me wonder about all the other rules and restrictions we have for communicating with the people we’re interested in. Is it ever okay to communicate, or does everything need to be timed and edited to some sort of relationship script?

Texting is an important way we communicate nowadays, and is definitely the easiest way I keep in touch with my friends, especially over break. But in a relationship, everything I type has to be checked and approved by a friend before sent out. Before having a conversation over iChat or Facebook Chat, I need to get myself into a mindset that everything I say must be cute, or witty or seductive. If it seems neurotic, that’s because it is. It is ridiculous to put so much pressure on a conversation, especially if the goal is to meet another person who could potentially be a romantic partner. After all, isn’t the point of the interaction that you would really get to know him or her? How can that happen when everything said is so carefully guarded?

The worst culprit has to be Facebook. The poke, an action so simple in nature, is such a complicated experience in real life.  A poke from a friend? Harmless. A poke from that cutie in French Lit? He could be interested! But, the secret is knowing when a poke from a friend means more than just friendship, and that’s really the heart of the matter.

We need to agree on a new set of rules, a simple guideline for future interactions. We should probably start with, “if you want to ask someone out, ask him or her out.” I know it seems simple, but I had a crush on my good friend from freshman year, and it took seven months to figure out he was interested the whole time! Think of the missed opportunities in your life.

This goes double for poking. I mean, I get the idea behind it. If you want to poke the cute girl from your Salsa PDP, go right ahead. You want her, and I’m sure she wants you. Unfortunately, she’s confused by the poke, and doesn’t really understand why you would all of a sudden poke her, given that your previous relationship has been harmless flirting during class. So, you can use the “friend poke” excuse, or even the “drunk poking” excuse, without fear of disappointment, or the inevitable embarrassment after you realize that your love is unrequited.

Actually, let me step away from here for a moment to discuss drunken interactions. I’m sure I’m not the only kid in Allston who enjoys a little drunken texting, (why, after a few glasses of wine, do I suddenly have the urge to send pictures of my penis to everyone in my contacts list?), but remember, sober thoughts make drunken actions, so there are no good excuses for the morning after. Own that crotch-shot, or one-night stand or vomit all over Marsh Plaza like a badge of honor.

The point of this whole discussion is that we need to be upfront with our true intentions. Human intuition is a powerful thing; that guy you think keeps checking you out, is probably interested in getting to know you better. Go over and talk to him. It’s a scary thought for most people, myself included, but just think about how easy that would make future relationship requests. After all, in a world where propositions are sent out at the push of a button, all it takes is a few steps and a friendly “hello.”

Luke Pearson a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at lpsexquestions@gmail.com