Breaking Dawn: Another One Bites The Dust

It is finally the big day; bloodsucker teenage heartthrob Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and his pasty human girlfriend Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) are walking down the aisle, and no one can stop them.

In the penultimate installment in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, the newlywed couple heads off to a remote island getaway for their honeymoon, leaving behind the messy love triangle including Bella’s ever-faithful werewolf best friend, Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). Things soon get sticky, however, when Bella becomes impregnated with a vampire-human hybrid that literally starts eating her from the inside out upon the consummation of her marriage to her sparkly creature of the night.

The plot of Breaking Dawn is not the most compelling in the series; actually, it much resembles an overly dramatic episode of Degrassi. The first forty-five minutes of the film seem to be an elaborate foreplay to a porno scene that the audience never actually gets to see.

But when one doesn’t pay attention the actual content of the movie, one could sit back and enjoy just how much the movie actually made fun of itself. The beginning of the movie features cameo appearances from Bella’s high school friends, played by Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chong and Michael Welch, which gave the audience a breath of fresh air from the acting styles of Pattinson and Stewart. Additionally, almost every sentence that escaped the quartet of normal teens mouths was a punch line about the shotgun wedding they were attending, which makes one wonder why the rest of the film is so void of intentional laughs.

The wedding scene is absolutely visually stunning. Bella and Edward’s wedding is the kind that every girl dreams of: white flowers petals rain from the sky and a beautiful altar made of dark wood in the Cullen back yard. However, the camera work somehow manages to ruin what would have been a beautiful scene, as it awkwardly cuts from one face to another in a sequence that makes little sense.

Though her acting has slightly improved over the course of the series, Kristen Stewart constantly looks downward in every scene, regardless of the situation, as if her breasts will somehow reveal to her the secrets of portraying emotions compellingly.

Similarly, Pattinson’s characterization of the brooding vampire he portrays still consists of his constipated stare resembling a fish out of water staring off into the distance.

Even though his scenes were scarce throughout the movie, Billy Burke, who plays Bella’s father stole the show. Every time he had an appearance, Burke’s performance was perfect, no matter if he was playing a worried, over-protective, father or a scorned ex-husband.

Though Breaking Dawn is certainly no Oscar winner, if you are in the mood for a mindless paranormal teenage romance with some very graphic birth scenes, then definitely go see it. If you are looking for a film of actual substance, however, then look elsewhere in your search for entertainment.