Roommate disputes involving sexual behavior minor, officials say

While sex in dorms may be one of the most difficult issues for college students to discuss, Boston University students said roommates should communicate about what to expect from each other.

“One thing that is really important is for roommates to work out a system together to tell each other what is going on,” said a College of Arts and Sciences sophomore, who wished to be referred to as Lindsey.

Lindsey said she once returned to her dorm room early from class to find her roommate being intimate with a guy.

The incident, she said, made their living situation awkward for a couple of days. She now lives with her best friends and finds communicating about sex easier.

Sex in dorms may often cause conflicts between roommates, as it did for Lindsay Blankmeyer, a former student at Stonehill College in Easton.

Stonehill is studying a complaint made by Blankmeyer, Stonehill spokesman Martin McGovern told The Daily Free Press in an email interview.

Blankmeyer claimed Stonehill Residence Life failed to help her when she complained about sex issues with her roommate. Her roommate, she said, would engage in sexual behavior while she was in the room, which caused her to lapse into suicidal depression.

Stonehill spokeswoman Kristen Magda said the student did not notify the staff of her concerns with the sexual activity. A residence director held a mediation with Blankmeyer and her roommate, and Residence Life gave Blankmeyer the option to move into a single room.

David Zamojski, director of BU Residence Life, said the first steps in calming a roommate dispute similar to this one are for a resident assistant to coach the student on how to approach the roommate and to schedule a meditation or an intervention.

“There are some reports that we need to bring to a professional residence director due to the nature of the information,” Zamojski said in a phone interview.

Neither Zamojski nor BU spokesman Colin Riley could provide data on how many students move out due to roommate disputes. However, Zamojski said students rarely contact him with complaints about Residence Life staff, and dealing with roommate conflict is infrequent.

Riley said students need to be responsible for their actions and respectful of others.

“There is no reason for conflict; conflict is unnecessary,” Riley said in a phone interview. “Communicate with the RA and maybe the hall staff.”

There are questions to ask a roommate upfront to avoid conflicts later because many students are sexually active, said CAS junior Arielle Egan.

“I feel like it’s different asking to have the room for you and your boyfriend verses bringing some guy home from a bar,” Egan said. “Just knowing those things about your roommate is important.”

Alyssa Biller, a sophomore in Sargent College of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences, said she remembered her RA freshman year asked residents to sign contracts all roommates agreed to.

Biller said, “I think that sort of thing is important if you don’t know your roommate so you’re both on the same page.”