NGAI: Girl vs. Woman

I’ve always found it interesting that even though I am considered a legal adult in every country around the world, at times, I’m still referred to as a girl. Sure, this might seem like a petty thing to pick up on. Out of all the things that should bother me, why should being called a girl matter?

If you really think about it though, how often do we refer to men as boys? Usually after a certain age (or growth spurt), boys start to identify with being a man. In fact, not only are boys told all the time to man up, they are told to stop being such girls.

I’ve heard it being used on the playground all throughout my childhood, especially when little boys pushed each other to the ground in a fight. I never thought twice about it.

It didn’t used to bother me until I realized later on what that statement really meant. It meant, stop being weak and don’t show emotion. Weakness and emotions are synonymous with being a girl.

Whenever I’ve seen that comment thrown around, it instantly puts boys to shame. How can we condone that sort of behavior, where one gender is automatically classified as being less superior and not given a chance at equality?

On the other hand, I don’t think I ever recalled a time where I was told to “woman up.” Instead, I’ve been told to act like a lady.

I grew up as a first generation American, and both my parents raised me in a strict Chinese household. Shoes were the first thing off when you stepped through the front door, and I learned how to pour tea for my elders as soon as I could support the weight of a teapot.

I was taught to respect others, yet I don’t think I ever learned enough about how others should respect me.

Whenever I was loud, sat with my legs apart or stated an opinion that did not coincide with my parents’ views, they told me I wasn’t acting like a lady.

So for years, I was “ladylike”, which mostly meant that I kept quiet. Yet the women I read about in books and saw in the media were not always quiet and polite. They stated what they thought (with intelligence) and still held an air about them that was “ladylike.”

Something in my brain clicked. To be a lady has nothing to do with wearing dainty gloves or keeping quiet. To be a lady is to express what you think, with thought and reason put into your arguments. To be a lady is for people to respect you (and to respect others) even if you both disagree with one another.

Also, I find a lot of the times that “lady” has a less powerful connotation than “woman” does. We often use the phrase “strong independent woman,” and there is no peep of there being a “strong independent lady.”

Is being a lady downplaying the meaning behind being a woman? In some ways, yes, because in our society, a lady is still more so referred to as being polished and polite. But I think we’re beginning to redefine that and make it co-exist more fairly with the word woman.

Now, that I’ve defined what being a lady/woman means, let’s come back to the point of girls. Girls in our society are often seen as subjects that do not deserve respect and in some ways, are the lowest of the low.

I’d like to come in the defense of girls. Adolescence is often plagued by insecurity and confusion. To take a quote from Courtney Martin, author of the book “Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters,” “We are the daughters of feminists who said, ‘You can be anything,’ and we heard, ‘You have to be everything.’”

Is it because our society sees girls as weak and therefore views women that way as well? After all, girls do become women.

As a woman, I am not annoyed that I am called a girl because girls are synonymous with weakness. I know that girls are the furthest things from weak. But, children (girls and boys alike) are immature and hasty and for lack of a better word, childish.

I never understood why women are so closely linked with girls, even if they are way past girlhood. Women are somehow doing “girly things,” but you never hear of men doing “boy things.” Instead, they are doing manly things.

I am no longer a girl, and I haven’t been for quite some time. I don’t plan on any Benjamin Button procedures anytime soon, so please, call me a woman.