Pickup basketball is not something you jump right into. You need to have the proper attire, attitude and endurance. You need to feel comfortable calling passive-aggressive fouls. And you need to be ready to drop the gloves and fight.
FitRec basketball culture is truly a sight to behold. It may look like a bunch of dudes chucking up bad shots, but there’s a carefully structured system to the chaos. So if you want to get involved in balling at FitRec, I’ve got you covered with an eight-step plan in how to go about it.
1. Travel to FitRec
This may sound like a trivial step, but for the under-motivated, it’s of utmost importance. You wake up, you ate too much the night before and you feel awful, but you know you should work out. It can be tough not to crack open your computer and binge watch Netflix, so putting on your shorts and heading to the gym is the first step. Clearly, I don’t have a high threshold for steps.
2. Approach the basketball courts
Next, you have to actually walk to the basketball courts. It’s two flights of stairs, which is like six flights for those of us who are out of shape. To be successful with this step, you have to not turn around and go home. Walk to the courts, stand around and look nonchalant. Just act like you’re there all the time. Nobody has to know you haven’t hooped since you got cut from your eighth-grade team.
3. Ask if “anyone has next”
It can be scary to speak in front of a bunch of strangers. I would know, as I once taught a public speaking class and I was terrified. But if you want to get in the game, you need to be proactive.
4. Assemble a roster of your best friends
Unless you’re joining an already established group, you’ll need to quickly form a team of your own. And by best friends, I mean that kid shooting by himself on the court and the trio playing a carefree game of “Around the World.”
5. Be a little selfish
Basketball at FitRec creates a classic prisoner’s dilemma. The optimal scenario is that all members of your team are selfless and look for the extra pass. Obviously don’t pass it to Tommy, though, because he sucks. But in general, pickup is most fun when a team plays like a team. Move the ball, create space, anticipate what the defense will do.
But there’s always that one guy or gal on a team who won’t abide by these rules. They’ll try to be a hero, try to be the name in the paper’s game coverage. They’ll rebound the ball, push the tempo and take a bad shot. They won’t even use the shot clock to their advantage (there is no shot clock).
So if you need to be a little selfish, look for your own shot. And rest assured, you’ll always have one of these teammates, as it’s part of the FitRec annals.
6. Creatively reserve energy
A wise man once said, “Never hustle or give your best effort.” This man was my Little League baseball coach. He taught me all I know.
I bring this concept to the hardwood with a caveat. You need to save energy throughout the game. So selectively sit out fast breaks that you don’t think you’ll be needed for. Claim you’re “anchoring the defense” and you’ll seem like a hard worker.
Or try guarding the worst player on the opposing team. Give yourself a break on defense and you can cut to the hoop like a madman on offense.
7. Don’t be the score guy
This is coming from someone who is always the score guy. After every basket, I’ll yell out the score to make sure we don’t forget. But it’s a damn burden. Although, I can use it as an excuse for why I’m not focused on guarding my man.
8. Use the correct lingo
Say “run it back,” not “let’s play again.” Don’t seem like an amateur. I’ve had friends get blacklisted for far less.
