WILSHERE: Settle For Me?

This summer, when I wasn’t running through the streets of Manhattan with high heels in tow or bumping Beyoncé on the morning commute, I was binging Netflix. Although it took me from the end of finals to the end of the summer, I watched all of the CW’s “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Much to my surprise, I got hooked on the show and its colorful characters, sharp script and wildly memorable songs. The show deals with issues of relationships, the perception of women in the world and mental health. One of the songs I had on repeat this summer was “Settle For Me,” which is a ballroom dance dream sequence that portrays the character Greg pleading with Rebecca to “settle” for him. He knows she has feelings for another man and he is aware he’s not what she wants, but he asks anyway saying “in a sad way, darling, it’s fate.” Comedy aside, this song made me question some of the relationships my friends and I were having — were we settling? If we weren’t, should we be?

I believe there is no reason to settle. We, as college-aged millennials, should be able to pick through the qualities and character traits we align with and rid ourselves of those who embody what we do not align with. We are young enough to break ties and recover, to start and end relationships with slighter ease than if we were older. There are so many things we have yet to experience, so many people we have yet to meet. Although one might get discouraged when trying to wade through the challenges of millennial dating, it is important to remember that you will meet someone who will meet your standards. Sometimes, we just have to wait for it.

There is so much pressure in our society to be a part of a “pair.” As the leaves change color and start to fall under our boots and Starbucks sells out of pumpkin spice lattes before 2 p.m., many claim the beginning of “cuffing season.” This means people pair off in the fall months, go apple picking and tailgating, taunting their single friends and asking why they’re still single. I do not believe people should settle and enter a relationship for the sake of being in one. I believe that motivations for relationships should include a passion for that person and their quirks, a genuine interest in them, and a want to marathon “Game of Thrones” together.   

We have seemingly low commitments; it’s more frequent than not that we are not dependent on our partners financially or socially. We are in a period of our lives where we are able to learn, discover and grow in unfathomable ways. We should not get bogged down or held back by those who are not what we expect for ourselves. We must be able to recognize patterns of behavior that we do not agree with, that are not aligned with our morals or even destructive.

This is not to say that we should hold our partners and friends to unrealistic standards. It is important to have standards for the people we choose to engage with. On the other side of that argument, human error, in even the most seemingly perfect person, is inescapable. We should not go out searching for the “perfect” partner because that person simply does not exist. This is to say that we should have a baseline for how we would like to be treated, and we should not be blind to the expectations we hold for others. We do not have to settle for anything less than we deserve. This is also not to say that relationships, or courting, exist without compromise. We compromise on a daily basis, helping reinforce the balance that exists and avoiding confrontation.

We are so young. We are still figuring out what bands we like, let alone what qualities we look for in a partner. There is no need to settle for that which we do not agree with. We do not need to remain with those who do not share our values, our ethics and our morals. We should not “jump” into a relationship out of convenience for ourselves and to avoid the stigma of being single. We should enter a relationship because we enjoy the other person’s company, their morals, the way they make us feel and if we’re lucky, their taste in movies.