New Year’s celebrations have come and gone. The confetti have been picked off from the bottom of my boots, and I no longer yearn to hear the sound of noisemakers. Of course, with all the excitement and wonder that the new year brings, one cannot ignore the prospect of mustering up a resolution. I have generally stuck to vague ones such as “be a better person” or “eat healthier,” which boils down to “eat less T. Anthony’s pizza.” This year, as I head into a semester halfway across the world, I have decided that my resolutions are going to be different. This time, I would have to be specific about what I would want to change.
Resolutions come from realizations. As I leave for a semester abroad, I think upon the events that have marked last semester. I think about the way I chose to maintain my romantic relationships — as one ended, I tended to replace it with a different one. This left me with little time to grieve or reflect on the presence (or absence) of my emotions. I was under the impression that if I never stopped moving, both forward and on, I would never have to feel. I have resolved that this semester must be different. I must break the cycle of replacing people as if they were battered notebooks and I have to dedicate time to finding out what it is like to spend time alone.
I can’t pretend that New Year’s resolutions are easy, nor should they be confined to the time limit we give ourselves, leaving our pasts behind on Dec. 31 and moving fresh into Jan. 1. I am unsure if I believe that things can change within the minute that changed 2016 into 2017, but I am sure that resolutions should be a constant decision. This is not to say that it is imperative that everyone creates and follows resolutions because of the new year. This is to say that we should be able to change whenever we decide we are ready for it. Forcing a revelation can lead to disappointment or indifference. We are all work-in-progress, myself included, and I believe that we should be able to create a resolution whenever we need to. We must be the ones constantly deciding that there is something about ourselves we can and will change.
We should resolve to leave things in the past. We should resolve to stop going back to the ruins of our ended relationships, searching for the rock thrown that made the whole building fall. We should resolve to let things go, to leave the past where it belongs and to move forward with the strength and optimism we know resides within us. It is imperative that we offer kindness to ourselves as a parting gift from the year that has just past.
True change, however, does not happen overnight. As much as we would like to believe that, real work needs to be done. As we move forward, we must grant ourselves kindness and patience. Committing our resolutions to the seconds of a countdown clock is nearly impossible. We cannot expect to change our learned behavior within the minutes that change the years. I believe that if we are true in our dedication to our resolutions, they are going to take time.
I tend to stay away from clichés, but I feel like my abroad experiences are going to change me — there is no way they won’t. I already feel the change. I am saying yes to more opportunities and experiences that would have scared me before. I am trying to be more open with my communication. I am truly trying to be a better person. I know that as I live each day in a country thousands of miles away from my mistakes and mishaps, I will choose to resolve residing emotions, learn to fall in love with the city around me and forgive myself for the things I cannot control.
Meredith loves telling stories and pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw, minus the man and comfy NYC apartment. She, however, eats enough brunch to cover all six seasons. When she's not drowning in 16th-century literature, she can be found lamenting over the bad grammar and bad boys in her middle school diary.
Find her on twitter @merewilsh or email her mwilsher@bu.edu with all your love musings or questions.
