It’s no surprise that many institutions such as Boston University, Harvard University, Tufts University and, dare I say, Boston College attract ambitious, motivated young adults. The near 138,000 students that populate Boston strive for intellectual excellence and high-caliber career opportunities. But in addition to competing for educational and professional opportunities, many of them are looking for something else: a place to cry.
As the semester gains momentum, you’ll find them on benches up and down Commonwealth Avenue, in various laundry rooms late at night or in the window seat on the T. Some have sunglasses on to hide the tears, while others are on the phone with friends or family.
These are just a few examples of students’ favorite spots to cry, which I learned after asking students via an Instagram survey on my story for 24 hours this weekend.
People told me of tears they shed under the fluorescent lights of Star Market, in the bleak Metcalf Science Center Room 109, at freezing bus stops and on that splintering bench outside of Claflin Hall. Others choose to cry in Mugar Library stairwells, or Mugar study rooms, or between Mugar bookshelves, or pretty much anywhere else in Mugar.
Some of the more unique locations included the Kenmore Square McDonald’s, Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers and Boston Logan Airport. My personal favorite responses were “literally any place you can think of,” “elevators in general” and “in front of a tour group.”
So, why all the tears?
Colette Grypp, sophomore in Sargent College of Health and Rehabilitation Services, said “there is definitely competition among students at BU and among the universities in the area for academic and professional achievement.”
“When you put all the sharks in the same tank, the smaller ones are going to get eaten,” she said. “Learning to cope with not being the best can sometimes make the environment so difficult.”
Bingo.
No, seriously, bingo. BU’s meme Facebook page, BU Memes for Normy Teens, fashioned a digital bingo card out of various locations where students let the tears go. Some of the spaces include “academic advising,” “FitRec,” and “during the middle of a final.”
“Your emotions don’t care where you are,” said Paige Beaudry, a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences. “If you need to cry, you’re going to cry.”
Beaudry was right.
Neuroscientist William Frey published a revolutionary paper that expounded the biological function of emotional tears. The New York Times described his argument that because humans are the only beings that “shed tears in response to emotional stress,” the tears “relieve stress by ridding the body of potentially harmful stress-induced chemicals.”
In short, Frey’s data shows that humans will usually feel better after crying.
If this is the case, why haven’t we normalized stress crying in such a competitive academic and professional city, if it is an unavoidable biological response?
The amount of Instagram survey responses I received, which was around 50, indicates students’ openness about the topic and willingness to discuss it further. This normalization is obvious on the Facebook meme page too, with links to articles entitled “Where to cry in public,” lists comparing an SHS therapist to crying on Green Line and more generally, hundreds of within-group search results for the word “cry.”
On the other hand, however, we still wear sunglasses to hide our tears and excuse ourselves in the middle of class to let it all out. As humans, we still have the propensity to stare at others who are experiencing pain in front of us.
Maybe instead of staring, we should draw more attention to the scientific data that normalizes crying, or accompany a friend to their go-to sob spot. Or maybe we just need to call our parents.
Regardless, people cry, and most of the time, it is much to our chagrin. You can’t escape crying, but you can find a nearby bench on the BU beach, a corner booth in Questrom Starbucks, or a CAS stairwell to share your pain with.
